F1: 2011 Car Launch Season Gaining Speed

(Ferrari F150; Source: f1fanatic.co.uk)

So once again, it’s time to launch the Formula 1 Balloons, Err roll out the various Twenty-eleven new car models. In typical fashion, La Scuderia got the party rolling – by being the first to unveil their 2011 challenger, the F150 – bright ‘N early last Friday in Maranello; as the Tipo 150 designation is to commemorate Italy’s Unification 150-years ago - and nothing to do with Luca di Montezemolo’s political aspirations...

Ferrari F150: First of the new breed

Hmm? As ‘Juan Grizzle Formula One Journo has sagely noted – isn’t the F150 some PickemUp Truck built “Ford Tough!” As in the best DARN sellin’ PickemUp Truck in America – thus, I’ll christen Maranello’s newest product as la Scuderia 150; built Furr-rari tough – Hya! As don’t expect to see Fredrico Suave kickin’ any tyres... And DAMN! NO F-Duct to blow away that new car carbon fibre smell!

Below is a list I’ve compiled for the various F1 Constructors, as I’m most intrigued to see what Hispania’s Cosmic Rocket will look like – having given Hollywood stylist Daniel Simon Freewill to work his magic upon a blank canvas...

Hispania looks for some Hollywood style

2011 F1 Launch Schedule
Date Venue Team/Chassis Model
1/28) Maranello Ferrari; F150
1/31) Internet Lotus; TL11
1/31) Valencia Renault; R31
1/31) Valencia Sauber; C30
2/01) Valencia Mercedes; MGP W02
2/01) Valencia Red Bull; RB7
2/01) Valencia Scuderia Toro Rosso; STR6
2/01) Valencia Williams; FW33*
2/04) Berlin McLaren; MP4-26
2/07) London Virgin; MVR-02
2/10) Jerez Force India; VJM-004
3/03) Bahrain Hispania; F111
(FW33* = Interim livery; see below)

UPDATE
Whale – so much for my vaunted sources, eh? After posting this Y’all probably know I made some Boo-Boo’s... As Red Bull & Mercedes launched their new 2011 F1 Challengers earlier then expected, whilst I believe the Williams chassis is currently sporting an interim livery in order to get more Bang-for-their-Buck with another launching ceremony on February 13th in Valencia...

Team Lotus 2.0 ratcheted up the ongoing legal squabble by deciding to denote their new racecar in Lotus style numerology as the T-128 instead of the TL11 as previously noted...

And thus, I believe there are now only four new car launches left on the upcoming calendar, while I’m still hoping for something outta this world from Hispania...

Charles Zwolsman Sr. Dies whilst residing at Gray Bar Motel

Spotted this whilst searching BloggerLand for a different story; as Hang-on a ‘My-nute... I know that name, having previously scribble ‘bout Mr. Zwolsman Senior’s past brushes with the Authorities.

Zwolsman Sr. and the Law

Having witnessed his son Charlie Jr. race both in Toyota Atlantics and the Champ Car World Series at Portland International Raceway, I was unaware that it was the elder Zwolsman who was responsible for resurrecting ‘Heinz 57’s (Heinz-Harald Frentzen) motor racing career – by having him race for the Minnowesqe Euro Racing Team in the World Sports Car series, (WSC) hiring Frentzen to drive for him at Le Mans way back in 1992.

Hmm? I’d always thought it was Frentzen’s driving abilities as part of the Young Lions Mercedes Benz WSC prodigy’s, i.e.; DER TERMINATOR, (M. Schumacher) Karl Wendlinger & Frentzen that was Heinz 57’s claim to fame...

Zwolsman Sr dies in Dutch prison

Patrick Dempsey racing Round-the-Clock – literally...

(Dempsey Racing No. 41- 2011 Roar before 24; Source: Teamseattle.com)

Just cannot seem to stay away from BloggerLand, le internetz or the Newswires... Although I’m a bit embarrassed that none of my local media seems to have picked up on the story – that ‘Mega Hollywood Hunk ‘N Star of Grey's Anatomy, actor Patrick Dempsey will once again be flying the Team Seattle flag in this weekend’s Rolex 24.

Dempsey, who’ll once again be part of his team’s No. 40 Mazda RX8 in the GT class – with two Mazda RX8’s entered in the lower class (No’s 40 & 41) is running his own personal 24hrs marathon ‘O sorts prior to the races start, as he’ll be flying back ‘N forth from the Sundance Film Festival where his latest flick is debuting.

Oh? You haven’t heard of it? It’s titled Flypaper and co-stars somebody the Blogosphere likes to call Mrs. Dashley, a.k.a. Ashley Judd – and there’s even reportedly a kissing scene in the movie; How ‘bout that Dario...

Actor gets serious about racing

And for its 14th year, Team Seattle will once again be running laps around the DayToner High Banks for the Seattle Children’s Hospital, which you can learn more about by clicking here.

GO TEAM SEATTLE!

Notes
KV Racing Technology IndyCar driver E.J. “What; Me Worry?” Viso has been added at the last moment (Friday) to the Starworks Motorsports third Daytona Prototype entry; the No. 2 Riley-Ford...

ROLEX 24 Spotter’s Guide

Grand Am: 2011 ROLEX 24 - Preview

HURRAH! It’s time to go racing, as this year’s Daytona 24hrs race is set to kick off in just over ‘Juan-day from now. As qualifying has already been held and as always, the Daytona Endurance race brings out a gala of racin’ Starz – spanning the gambit from Formula 1, IndyCar (OH CRAP! I FORGOT TO GO ALL CAPS...) ‘RASSCAR & Sports Cars... As here’s a look at just some of the competitors in this year’s event.

Level 5 Motorsports
First out of the Chute to announce their 2011 driver lineup were the ‘lil Level-5 Boyz – quickly snapping up the services of dispatched De Ferran Dragon IndyCar Piloto ‘RAFA, nee Rafael Matos, with Sports Car Ace Luis Diaz also in the mix.

The team will run a brace of BMW-Riley Daytona Prototypes (DP) and could be a force to reckon with, whilst Thanxs to ‘Ponches IndyCar Roster for Rolex 24 story, I now know that Ryan “The EX-IZOD DUDE” Hunter-Reay will also be part of the teams driver line-up. Yet for reasons unknown, neither racecar took part in qualifying...

Cheep’s All Star Line-up Confirmed
Not surprisingly – The ‘Cheepster, a.k.a Chip Ganassi will once again field an All Star line-up for his brace of Riley-BMW DP racecars, as newest IndyCar signing – The Graminator (G. Rahal) joins proverbial Sports Car Champion ‘Scooter, (Scott Pruett) Memo Rojas and Joey Hand in the No. 01 Chip Ganassi Racing with Felix Sabates (FS) Target-TelMex entry.

HOLY ALPHABET SOUP BATMAN!
GEEZ CHIP! Are Yooze tryin’ to secure the whol alphabet too with your Team/Sponsor/Car/Entries?

The No. 02 TelMex Ganassi/Sabates racecar is filled with a Trio of Indy 500 champions: Scott Dixon, Dario Franchitti and Juan Pablo Montoya with Daytona 500 & Brickyard 400 winner Jamie McMurry batting “Clean-up.”

And although Pruett claimed they weren’t shooting for top speed honours during The Roar before Daytona 3-day practice session, both Scooter’s and the ‘Seester-car with Scott Dixon topped their respective Timesheets during various practice segments, with Pruett’s car qualifying third and Dixon’s mount starting P5...

Starworks Seeing Stars?
Defending Rolex 24 winner and former Champ Car driver Ryan Dalziel set the unofficial track record on the final day’s testing by blistering the course with a lap over 128mph. Dalziel, along with ex-Formula One/Indy Racing League Ace Tomas Enge is part of the two car Riley-Ford DP lineup for Starworks Motorsports, as the Scotsman (Dalziel) was the meat in a TelMex sandwich during qualifying with a fourth place finish...

Bubble Roof for Michael Shank Racing?
Couldn’t resist, as Justin BIG UNIT Wilson’s inclusion in the No. 6 Mike Shank Racing with Curb/Agajanian; Hmm? Weren’t those Old Indy Racing League team owners? Err; Wilson’s height made me flashback to those Ford GT-40 Dazes with a bubble roof canopy to help a lanky driver by the name of Dan Gurney fit comfortably inside...

Wilson will co-drive the No. 6 MSR Dallara-Ford DP with A.J. (“WallDinger”) Allmendinger and Michael “Double Gainer” McDowell, while the team’s No. 60 Dallara-Ford DP will be co-driven by Marc Goosens, Ozz Negri, John Pew and Michael Valiante...

The Jimmy Show
He’s back.... So get ready once again to hear constant Princess ‘Round-the-Clock type media coverage of Jimmy Johnson’s every BLINKIN’ move... NO – NOT that Jimmy Johnson who was just on Survivor and has lengthened his TV career as a pitchman for Extenz... Nope, its 5-time RASSCAR champ Jimmy Johnson who’ll be moonlightin’ once again with the Bob Stalling Boyz of Alex Gurney & John “On-the-Bayou” Foggerty. While I’m guessing JV’s – as in Jimmy Vasser is back again as co-driver? Hmm? Wonder if the Stalling Gang gets a discount for Bodywork repairs at KVRT; Hya!

Action Jackson’s Answer to CGRw/FS
Defending Overall Rolex 24 victors Action Express Racing have said Oh Yeah to The Cheepster – We can do that two! And have brought their own 2-car All Star driver cast, featuring seven previous Overall Rolex 24 winners.

The No. 9 riley-Porsche DP features last year winners Joao Barbosa and Terry Borcheller, who’ll be partnered by Massimiliano “MAD MAX” Papis, Christian Fittipaldi, and JC “WHAT DRUGS?” France. (Don’t Yuhs knows who My Daddy is?)

While the No. 5 Riley-Porsche/ Cayenne V8 DP has David Donohue,
Darren Law, Buddy “Hot rod” Rice and Burt Frisselle at its keyboard.

Apparently IZOD’s now Everywhere!
Also according to Mr. CHiP’s (Chris Estrada) Ryan “The New IZOD Dude” Briscoe will be part of the No. 10 suntrust driver line-up, as Briscoe will share the Dallara-Chevrolet DP’s cockpit with Max “THE AX!” Angelelli and the father-son duo of Ricky Taylor & Wayne Taylor – the team’s owner...

The Brundell Brothers Return
Although I missed the Big Press Release, British ex-Formula 1 Aces Martin “Billy bob” Brundle & Mark Blundell have teamed up to compete in this year’s Daytona 24hrs as part of the United Autosports drivers line-up; Co-driving with UA Chairman & Co-Owner Zak Brown and Mark Patterson.

And for some strange reason – Claxon Bells started ringin’ in my head when I read Zackery Brown’s name. As in that cannot be the same Zak Brown whose Tony George’s Drinkin’ buddy, eh?

Citizen Tony spotting

HOLY BACARDI ON THE ROCKS BATMAN!
Apparently it is the ‘Juan ‘N Only Head Honcho of Just Marketing named Zak Brown – Sponsorship Guru du Jour... Who’s also the Co-founder of Historic Motorsports Productions with Meesh’s buddy Booby Ray-X. (Bobby Rahal)

Reportedly the quartet will be piloting a Riley-ford Daytona Prototype under the assistance of Michael Shank Racing, as I’m assuming its one of MSR’s older racecars? (Actually I’ve now learned it’s the third MSR entry this year...)

Yet wouldn’t it be funny if the BRIT Duo ‘O Brundle & Blundell upset Chip Ganassi? And won the whole BLOODY thing... Hmm? I just realized there’s three Mark’s on the team – so may be I should call it the Mark Brotherz Project instead?

Q&A Session: Mark Blundell (United Autosports, Rolex 24 Hours at Daytona)

You can check out 14hrs of live ‘round the clock coverage via SPEED beginning Saturday, January 29th at High Noon (12PM) PACIFIC – as ALWAYS; check your local listings...

GO JUSTIN ‘N No. 6!

This is the car I’d like to see WIN the race – even if ‘WallDinger DEFECTED to ‘RASSCAR! As I cannot think of two more deserving drivers then Justin ‘N A.J. who are due for a career highlight moment! Hmm? AIN’T McDowell the dude who was the very first driver to test out the Car Of Tomorrow’s (COT) roof structure ‘N roolbar by Barrel rollin’ Mikey “Ah Shucks” Waltrip’s Double Zero Toy Yoter at Daytona International Speedway?

NOTES
And it AIN’T all Sunshine ‘N Roses over in FenderLand either... As it must mean something if AIM & Godstone Ranch/Dyson Racing both of the Daytona Prototype class decide to skip the series marquee event, eh? (Can you say Cash Crunch?)

Vernay to Test for Conquest

Just got the memo this morning that reigning Indy Lights Champion J.K. Vernay will get his debutant run in a ‘BIG CAR - INDYCAR this upcoming Monday at Sebring with Conquest Racing...

Team Owner Eric Bachelart noted how his team’s philosophy is towards giving rising Starz their break in the Big Boyz ‘O IndyCar racing and he’s looking forward to seeing what the talented Frenchman can do.

Jean Karl was recently on Autosport Radio along with Jay “Funnyman” Howard – and the two Open Wheel Racing driver’s personalities couldn’t have been more different. As perhaps I’m reading too much into this, Err hearing a tad bit too much? As the Englishman Howard seemed very uptight, tired, and contrite – almost like a driver who knows his time is running out to make his mark?

On the opposite side of the coin, Vernay came off quite bubbly, confident and enthusiastic to Mwah – most likely since he’d just sealed the deal with Bachelart for his upcoming trial in Conquest’s Dallara/Honda, eh? Although playfully telling Don Kay he’d switched his flight back home to France just to be on his ‘lil radio show. He also coyly noted he’d just been talking with some Indy Car Series Team Bosses...

Howard mentioned how he’d spent over a year and a half to set-up the Central Services Tyre deal, just to see it go south with somebody named Rahal – saying you’re trying to wind-me-up Don... While Vernay’s got a small amount ‘O Dinero courtesy of the Mazda folks for winning the Lights title to use as a Downpayment for graduating into the Big Boyz ranks, which I think he’d be a perfect compliment alongside Bertrand ‘Uhm-Uhm Fresh” Baguette. Did somebody say Sandwiches... HELL! Vernay surely would do way better than that Francisco Draconie dude, right?

HVM to run Glow-in-Dark Colours for next 3-years

So, I’m probably the only ‘Juan who’s gonna spout off ‘bout this – but I haveda say I’m majorly BUMMED over who HVM Racing has secured to sponsor Simona-Simona for the next three years...

Now DON’T get me wrong, as I’m glad to hear that Simona de Silvestro & HVM Racing’s future looks bright, albeit a tad bit too BRIGHT for Mwah! Since although I wasn’t invited to the Party, (INDYCAR Teleconference...) nevertheless I’ve discovered it’s all over BloggerLand who Simona’s new sponsor is, as in the form of Nuclear energy, with a three year deal having been consummated with Entergy Nuclear.

And I have a very B-I-G problema with this, since the MOST POLLUTED Nuclear Weapons facility in the nation just happens to lie in my backyard, a.k.a. Hanford Nuclear Reservation – where currently two-thirds of the nations nuclear refuge resides; with a staggering 53-million gallons of high grade radioactive waste seeping into the ground!

Oh, and by the way; ahem – Hanford was run by a company named GE from 1946-65... Uhm? Aren’t those the people who bring good things to life? (And do NOT even get me started ‘bout the Comcast TAKEOVER, Err merger of the General Electric owned NBC television dealio...) Or perhaps we should ask the Eastern Washington residents whom resided downwind of the Plutonium producing facility, eh? As has anybody ever heard of the Downwinders and their abnormally large case of Thyroid cancer?

More Hanford downwinder claims will go to trial

And since the No. 78 HVM Racing IndyCar will go under the moniker of the Nuclear Clean Air Energy car. – I’d just like to know: Has anybody thought about how long nuclear waste remains radioactive?

As I’m curious how close Baltimore is to some place called Three Mile Island...

Hanford’s B Reactor: A tour of the world’s most toxic nuclear site

Coffee, Tea or; Sir Richard?

DON’T know why I find this so humorous – as I’m certainly happy that the loser will be fulfilling his end of the bet. As perhaps you recall that Billionaire Airline Owner Sir Richard Branson put forth the wager against rival Formula 1 Team Boss Tony Fernandes – that whoever’s Team finished worse in the standings could work as a Stewardess for the day on the rivals Airline...

Richard Branson:
“He has an airline, we have an airline, and if we beat him he can come and work on one of our airlines as a Virgin stewardess"

Yet, Mr. Fernandes seemed at least to have the upper hand over the two Aero-liner Executives wager; as recall – Virgin showed up to the dance with too small fuel tanks aboard their debutant racecar.

Tony Fernandes:
“It’s time for Richard to start preparing himself for some hard work and the likely pain of a pair of high heels.”

And whilst Stewardess Branson will carry out his duties upon a long haul Air Asia flight from London to Kuala Lumpur - at least the tickets proceeds will be donated to a charity of Richard’s choice...

Sir Richard Branson to serve as female flight attendant on Air Asia X flight after he loses bet

F1: Paddock Notes – January 24th Edition

Otay, this is a little dated – especially since Y’all probably have heard this by now? As nothing much happened over the Christmas break, besides the announcements of two further driver signings, WHILE The Iceman threw down on F1 a ‘Wee bit after the Holiday break and lastly Seahawks Defensive Star Colin Cole announced his newest driver...

Virgin Inks Second Driver
Virgin announced the signing of Belgium’s Jérôme d'Ambrosio as its second race driver – alongside of The Glockster, nee Timo Glock.

Dambrosio (25-years old) replaces first year Virgin driver Lucas di Grassi, as apparently the Brazilian wasn’t cutting-the-mayonnaise, (clever Belgian French Fry joke, eh?) while Dambrosio will become the first Belgian to race in Formula 1 since the multi-country Bertrand Gachot raced for Pacific Grand Prix way back in 1995. Yet unfortunately Gachot is probably best known for his mustard gas attack upon a Taxicab driver...

Thus, when I think of Belgian Gran Primo Piloto’s - I most fondly think of Thierry Boutsen who I believe is the last to have won Grand Prix races, albeit Jacky Ickx wasn’t half bad either, eh?

”Scuderia Enstone” Keeps Rooskie
I haveda say that Willie Buxom’s (Will Buxton) Scuderia Enstone moniker for the Lotus team that wants to be Lotus, even though it used to be Renault, who wanna buy into Lotus; Oh Never Mind! What a load of rubbish, eh?

Thus the new Genii-Lotus-Reggie-Souper-Dooper X P califrocious Racing Team... Has announced the re-signing of Russian Grand Prix driver Vitaly Petrov to a further 2-year extension of his former contract... Hey! After all somebody’s gotta flip Ferdi-the-Putz the Byrd ‘N let Alonso know he’s Numero Uno; Hya!

Kimi says Rallying’s Better
The original ICEMAN, nee Kimi Räikkönen has claimed that World championship Rallying has made him a better driver since he won the Formula One World Championship...

Raikkonen: WRC has made me better driver

On a sad note, Kimi’s father Matti unexpectedly died just 2-days prior to Christmas at the early age of 56, as Kimi & the entire Räikkönen Family are still in mourning...

The Fastest Indian?
I THINK NOT! Although that’s apparently the Tagline being used to describe Hispania F1 Racing’s newest signee Narain Karthikeyan, who I’ve previously noted has taken over Karun “Cowboy” Chandhok’s HRT race seat – in order to most likely secure the teams immediate future.

Yet when I think of that Tagline – The Fastest Indian, I immediately think of Anthony Hopkins in the movie of the exact same title, about a certain motorcycle on the Bonneville Salt Flats; as ‘Juan O these Dazes I’m gonna get around to watchin’ it...

In the meantime, now comes word that Hispania has quit the Formula One Teams Association, (FOTA) claiming it no longer feels it has any significant value... While the FOTA has reported that HRT is delinquent upon payment of its 2010 membership fees...

CRIKEYS! Hope this doesn’t give Uncle Bernaughty the needed wedge to thwart the FOTA’s hoped for monetary increase for the fast approaching 2013 Concorde Agreement. As Messer Ecclestone has a long cherished reputation for paying teams to see his side of the picture and fight against the other Formula 1 Constructors for his benefit...

Ducati Vroom...

(Operation Airlift Ducati; Source: motogpworld.net)

Ever wonder how they get those superb looking ‘DUC’s up to the top of the Ski Slopes? NOPE! The Doctor ‘Nor The Kentucky Kid rode them up there... Although I’ve just read that Formula One’s new rubber supplier Pirelli has indeed created a very special studded snow tyre for usage upon a Scuderia Ferrari F60 chassis – that no less than Maranello test driver Luca Badoer drove onto some frozen pond in the Italian Dolomites for his Swan Song performance...

Nope, by now you’ve figured it out – especially with the corresponding ‘Hellie pic above, eh? As it was recently time again for the Italian (“Vroom?”) Wrooom media event at Madonna di Campiglio, which interestingly, Uncle Bernaughty didn’t feel compelled to drop by this year; Hmm? Couldn’t have to do anything with a certain Grizzled Journo musing ‘bout wanting to ask Mr. E ‘bout some $50m gift to a currently incarcerated financier, eh?

(Rossi & Hayden; Source: motogpworld.net)

Although the event featured la Scuderia, it was here that Ducati Corse finally granted the media its first viewing of Valentino Rossi in his new Ducati garb – along with the first public viewing of Messer Rossi’s new Desmosedici GP11 ‘Scooter, along with Nickey Haydens ‘DUC for the upcoming MOTO GP season...

Pictures: Valentino Rossi’s Ducati Desmosedici GP11

Impressively, The Doctor not only showed up for the obligatory media schmoozing – but took part in the Ferrari-Ducati Intramural races in Go Karts ‘N FIAT 500’s, which I’ve read he did despite his just surgically repaired shoulder... As Ferdi-the Putz (Fernando Alonso) was victorious in both events, leading a 1-2 sweep in the Karts with his wingman Felipe Massa protecting his flank...

(Luca Badoer with F60 on ice; Source: f1fanatic.co.uk)

For a behind-the-scenes look at a bunch ‘O pictures (including close-up Pirelli ice tyre...) a certain Grand Prix journalist took whilst on assignment at some swanky Ski Chalet, you’ll want to check out Mr. Saward’s photographs in; A week in the mountains

Helmet Collection

So, I’ve never met the guy who’s been referred to me on numerous times as “Burton-the-Painter,” but I have dined a few times in the Union Jack’s restaurant where I’m told many of his Crash-buckets are on display - along with seeing some of his artwork in the Flagroom Bar I believe...

The artist in question is Ron Burton, whose apparently done all of the BIG NAME IndyCar drivers over the years, i.e.; Mario Andretti, A.J. Foyt, Scott Pruett, George Snider, etc, just to name a few...

I’ve also been told that this is one of the largest private racing helmet collections in the world – which you can visit the helmet website by clicking here.

A SPEEDY MILKA!

(Milka Duno with Patrick Sheltra; Source: CapehartPR/ Sheltra Motorsports)

This just in from Indiana’s Numero Uno Milkalicious Fan CARPETS – as Sheltra Motorsports proclaims that it had a very promising 3-day test with Thee Wanderin’ Milka in the just concluded ARCA test session Jan 11-13. As get this; Milka actually sped UP while running in the Draft! How dooze Yuhs like ‘Dem apples...

Milka Duno ran faster in a pack ‘O ARCA Bombers as she put the pedal to the metal in her No. 63 Dodge Charger, ending up 5th quickest on Day-1 before being a staggerin’ 2nd QUICKEST during Wednesday’s (Drafting) Tango-practise – before being bumped down the Timesheets to sixth after a late session went out on a cooling DayToner surface...

Meanwhile the Press Release also notes that Milka Duno was the FASTEST Gal of all duh females participatin’ in the 3-day test. So watch for Milkalicious & the No. 63 runnin’ in the groove during the Saturday (Feb 12) season opening Daytona ARCA race...

INDYCAR: Paddock Notes – January 18th Edition

Whale it’s been awhile now since I did ‘Juan O these thingy’s... As I’ll admit I’m LATE to the Party upon posting this info – as I’m thinking I’ll join others in the Blogosphere as NOT trying to be Instant-news Machines, which I think others are more aptly suited at. Nevertheless here goes a quick spin on the somewhat latest happenings in the land O Indycarz...

All Hail The New INDYCAR!
By now I’m guessing Y’all caught the hyperbolas ‘O Randy “The CandyMann” Bernard’s 2011 State Of the Union address, along with several more changes to the upcoming season ‘N beyond... Can Y’all say Boogity- Boogity- Boogity – Let’s Go Racin! As all future Ovals will now feature Two-abreast restarts...

Most disheartening to Mwah was the further reduction of ‘Cubes, i.e.; the SAD decision to further emasculate the new 2012 engines to a maximum of 2.2-liters; Hmm? Why do I keep having Flashbacks of the really B-A-D ‘80’s Small Car era... As in does anybody remember Chrysler’s Shelby GLHS? As in it Goes Like Hell Sorta – Sometimes; Oh Never Mind!

And instead of trying to reincarnate what’s already been spewed ALL over le INDYCAR – BY GUMMIT! (WE’RE ALL CAPS NOW...) Blogosphere, I’ll let James ‘The G-Mann give Yuhs the skinny instead...

State of INDYCAR Breakdown

Preliminary Numbers
By a very NON-scientific method, I’ve come up with the perceived 2011 Indy Car Series car count for the upcoming season. As I’ll count the following as Confirmed: AJ Foyt Enterprises; (1) Andretti Autosport; (3) Conquest Racing; (1) De Ferran Dragon Racing; (1) Dreyer & Reinbold; (1) FAZZT Race Team; (1) HVM Racing; (1) Panther Racing; (1) Sarah Fisher Racing; (1) Target Chip Ganassi Racing (2) + CGR Satellite Squad; (2) Team Penske (3)

These Teams are Most (likely) Definitely competing, just haven’t confirmed their Driver(s) – Team Line-ups as of yet: Conquest Racing; (+1) Dale Coyne Racing; (+2) Dreyer & Reinbold; (+1) FAZZT Race Team; (+1) KV Racing Technology; (+3) Newman Haas Racing; (+2)

And there’s possibly a few very-very LONG shots... As I’m not sure what’s up with AFS Racing – having split from its longtime association with Mikey Andretti; as I’d like to see Adam Carroll back in 2011. May be he’ll become AA’s 4th Mouseketeer? (NAH! Most likely it’ll be DannyBoy ‘SPIKE Wheldon...)

There was also previous banter ‘bout ALMS Stalwart Highcroft Racing doing a partial season with “Symone Pageonode,” (Simon Pagenaud) not to mention whether or not Sam Schmidt will move up to the BIG BOYZ? As Jay ‘FUNNYMAN Howard said they’re trying to find the money to run more than just Indy this year. And that’s NOT even mentioning the plethora of available drivers on the sideline waiting to Get-the-Call. As currently one ex-Indy Racing League Champion is unemployed, along with an ex-Champ Car Champion + many others...

Silly Season Update 2011

Hildebrand In; Wheldon Out at Panther
Pretty old news here, as Panther Racing has let 2005 Indy 500 winner & IRL Series Champion Dan Wheldon go – replacing him with rising American driver J.R. Hildebrand, the 2009 Indy Lights Champion.

And I haveda say, of the four rookie ICS Piloto’s interviewed on Trackside, (Pre-Christmas) Hildebrand sounded the most Cerebal of the bunch that included him, Charlie Kimball, James Hinchcliffe and Graham Rahal...

Ganassi Supersizes INDYCAR Operation
The Cheepster, a.k.a. Chip Ganassi, apparently doesn’t like being outdone on ANYTHING by The Captain (Roger Penske) and hence, has decided to supersize his IndyCar operation with the addition of what Kurty Cavin is callin’ The Brownsburg Bunch. As Y’all know that Cheeps’ added 2-cars to his fold for rising Yank Starz “THE GRAMINATOR” (G. Rahal) & rookie Charlie Kimball to complement his A-Team of Dario “REO Speedwagon” & Scott Dixon; look for three-fourths of this quartet to strap-on Riley-BMW Daytona Prototypes at this year’s Rolex 24 – as hopefully Graham will have better luck there then with his recently acquired ’69 FIAT 500...

HVM & Simona Stay Together; FAZZT Turning Chinese?
No Fenders Numero Uno Femme Fatale Indy Car Series driver ‘Simona-Simona will return this year with the Minnowesqe HVM Racing operation, albeit HVM Boss Keith Wiggins is optimistic of adding a teammate for Simona de Silvestro.

Simonamania, the Sequel

Meanwhile, we’re all holding our breath for the rally-rally-rally B-I-G announcement that ‘TAG (Alex Tagliani) will have a rookie teammate this season... As in the leagues, Err series first Chinese driver Ho-pin Tung; who’s test with FAZZT at Sebring in November (2010) went very well, according to the team, while interestingly, Tung was actually born in the Netherlands.

And I briefly chronicled his achievements when he participated in the 2009 F1 Young Drivers test, which I’ve updated to include last year...

Ho-pin Tung; China
2003 F3 Asia Champion, (’03-Williams F1 Test Drive) 2006 ATS Formel 3 Cup Champion, 2007 BMW-Sauber F1 Test Driver, 2007-10 GP2/GP2 Asia Series Competitor, 2008 A1GP Team China, 2009 Superleague Winner, 2009-10 Renault F1 Test/Reserve Driver.

Lennon’s Vroom-Vroom Ferrari Up for Grabs

(John Lennon’s Psychedelic Rolls Royce; source: Calgary.ctv.ca)

John Lennon's psychedelic limousine on display

Just heard the news today,
That the English had won the war...

Err, that the late John Lennon’s GO FAST-Mobile, a 1965 Ferrari 330 GT 2+2 coupe is slated to go on the Auction block this February in Gay ‘Paree during Bonhams' Paris auction being held at the Grand Palais. (February 5th)

Reportedly, this was the very first automobile that Messer Lennon purchased – to celebrate passing his British Drivers license test. Talk ‘bout passing the audition, eh? As reputedly Lennon forked over $3,119 smackeroos for the light blue ‘Furr-rari.

Yet the Ferrari GT Coupe is only expected to fetch ‘bout one-tenth the amount his Psychedelic Rolls Royce stretch-limousine did... Hmm? And to think I actually saw that limo way back ‘Dar at the Vancouver Expo – Circa ’86; CRIKEYS!

John Lennon's Ferrari Goes to Auction

Milka setting Sights on ARCA?

This just in from ‘Mega Milka Duno Fan ‘CARPETS of Indianapolis – noting that The Wanderin’ Milka will ply her trade once again in this year’s upcoming ARCA Lucas Oil Slick Mist 200 at Daytona International Speedway. Fan darling Milkalicious will drive for Sheltra Motorsports, the 2010 ARCA Champions, and should have just completed testing the past 3-days at DayToner by the time Y’all read this.

Recall that Duno was entered in last years ARCA B-I-G Show at Daytona – and I’m sure that THE ‘DAWG will have all duh Dirt on his Posse ‘O Femme Fatale ARCA drivers; HELL! He’ll probably even have some sorta new skinny on DannaWho?

Milkalicious will pilot the No. 63 in the season opening Daytona race on February 12th and the team has boldly proclaimed they hope to make Milka the first Female Champion in RASSCAR...

Tyrrell Six-wheeler Designer Perishes

So whilst doing my morning perusal ‘O BloggerLand, (Tuesday) in order to cut ‘N paste the day’s riveting news... I came across the sad news that Derek Gardner had passed away at the age of 79yrs old, as this name immediately made me say – I know that name...

As Messer Gardner was the Engineer who secretly designed Uncle Chopper’s (Ken Tyrrell) very first F1 racecar – no less than in his own garage! After having begun his Formula 1 career as a Transmission specialist for Harry Ferguson, developing Matra’s four wheel drive system during the ’69 season.

This was during the time that Ken Tyrrell was running customer March chassis as the Matra International Squad that had won both the Drivers & Constructors championships the year prior for the French manufacturer with The ‘Wee Scot; Sir Jackie Stewart at the wheel.

Gardner’s Tyrrell’s 003 & 005/006; evolutionary designs of the original 001 chassis would take JYS to his second & third World Championship titles in 1971, 1973 before Stewart walked away from the sport.

Yet Derek’s most revolutionary chassis, which I see is now being called iconic – is without doubt my most favourite Tyrrell of all time; those wild P34 Six-wheelers that caused quite a stir upon their debut back in 1976 – their most successful season, when Jody Scheckter led Patrick Depailler home at Anderstorp to a historic 1-2 finish in the Swedish GP!

And although not nearly as successful the following season, I personally like the ’77 paint scheme best, which was campaigned by the deceased duo of Ronnie Peterson and Depailler...

2011 Dakar Notes: Stage-9

After suffering two miserable stages back-to-back, including when the camera-eye focused upon him on Stage-7 – to which Jonah Street could be heard saying: It WON’T Kick-start! To which Street spent a considerable amount ‘O time (1hr+) tracking down an errant wire that had melted upon making contact with the ‘YamaHopper’s exhaust; dropping Jonah from seventh overall to 15th, the ‘Warshintonian rebounded spectacularly two stages later.

Stage-9 saw the Bikes start in Group fashion, in waves of 10-riders apiece, with Jonah waylaid in the third group. Yet inexplicably, nine of the first Group’s 10-riders made a navigation error, whilst the remaining solo competitor would run out of petrol just a scant 9km from the stages end. Thus, whilst the others scrambled to fix their mistake, Street bound his way forward and won his second Dakar stage, some two-years after his first Dakar stage win.

And it was great to hear Jonah being interviewed by Gernot Bauer; who I must say is growing upon me – As Street told him it’s just AWESOME! And it’s something extremely special which doesn’t happen often, whilst alluding to his tears of joy at the day’s finish...

NO – REALLY! They’ve Earned It...

(Colin Cole – Seattle Seahawks; Source: Seahawks.com)

So I’ve stayed away from all of the flummox over Team Willie’s BOLD announcement of Venezuela’s Pastor Maldonado earning his Williams F1 seat on merit and NOT because he comes with major Gold Tar moohlah, as in the form of PDVSA – his country’s National Oil concern...

But now Hispania team boss Collin Kolles; Hey – doesn’t he play for those SHOCKING Seattle Seahawks? Err, Dr. Collin Kolles, the other Colin’s Team BossSpeak has made me break out in laughter, after the Dentist proclaimed the following – in regards to his recent driver announcement.

Collin Kolles:
“It is a great pleasure for us to have signed Narain Karthikeyan as our race driver for the 2011 Formula 1 World Championship.”

NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!!

Especially since Messer Karthikeyan comes with major backing, i.e.; Dinero, Err Rupee? From a major Indian corporation known as the TaTa Group; which I’m certain is allowing Dr. Kolles to rest a little easier at night knowing he’ll be able to continue his patrolling of Pitlane during the upcoming Grand Prix season instead of returning to the Dentist’s chair, eh? (Although every time now I hear the name Collin Kolles I immediately think of BIG ‘Ol No. 90 of the Seattle Seahawks; Hya!)

So let’s cut the BULLSHIT BOYZ! As I can hardly contain myself over whom the second PAID driver at Hispania will be? As I’d prefer Christian Klien – but suspect that “Sackoe-Moneyato” will get the drive instead?

As after all, paid racing drivers are a necessary evil of modern Motorsports – just ask Dale Coyne, eh? As many open Wheel fans have been calling for Milka’s scalp – or something... Although I’d expect Maldonado’s rookie season to go better then CITGO darling Milkalicious’s time in IndyCarz – which AIN’T saying much. Yet hopefully it won’t be as bad as TakuSan’s rookie season at Kv Racing Technology, eh?

Lotus Continuing to Double down – as Chapman’s change their Bet from Green to Black

Although I have long tired over the STUPIDITY of this situation... Nevertheless I remain curious to see if these two warring entities can reach some sort of amicable settlement or if Goliath will just continue to try crushing David instead...

As now it has been spewed all over thee internets how the Chapman family has decided to enter the fray upon the continuing pursuit of Group Lotuses attempts to SMOTHER Tony Fernandes and his Team Lotus 2.0 racing team.

So I can see the Chapman family’s desires to leave the Team Lotus moniker on the sidelines and not return to active racing in Formula 1 – which seemed to be Mr. Fernandes’s intentions, until Group Lotus irrevocably broke his licensing agreement to compete in F1 as Lotus Racing – pulling the plug after just one scant year of the five year contract had run its course. Could this have had something to do with ex-Ferrari-man Dany Bahar’s bold ambitions to remake the Lotus Car brand’s image with a rival Grand Prix team that currently goes under the guise of Lotus-Renault GP... Which may or may not be owned by Gee-whiz, Err Gee-rard Lopez & his Genii Capitol investment firm, the Renault Car Company and Group Lotus under the stewardship of Proton, the Malaysian Government owned Auto manufacturer... (Uhm? I’m getting TIRED just typin’ ALL of this; Hya!)

Lotus-Lotus On the Wall...

Yet, as I’ve mentioned previously, Messer Fernandes seems to have gone about his Formula One Team’s construction correctly every step of the way – and I’d assume that Group Lotus has pushed him into the position of going back upon his word to the Chapman family?

While perhaps I’m reading too much into this; but? Why hasn’t more noise been made over the report noting the deal between Group Lotus and the Chapman family – in which Proton has sweetened the pot by promising to build a museum - Heritage centre to house the Team Lotus Classic collection, eh?

While I agree that it seems like some sort of hoodwinking is going on by putting out a press release on December 23rd; two days before Christmas and a Thursday afternoon to boot... As surely everyone’s focusing upon the latest F1 News, right? But could this have been an off-handed way of the Chapman’s honouring their new-found commitments to Proton in exchange for a new building to house some of Colin’s old relics instead?

Adam Cooper:
“Clive Chapman did however mention that Group Lotus’s ambitious plans included a museum, or ‘heritage centre’ at Hethel, which would become a home for the fabulous Classic Team Lotus collection which he curates – something that Fernandes clearly could not offer.”

Chapman family backs Group Lotus

Force India’s Driver Merry-go-Round

So apparently, although Vitantonio Liuzzi has a signed contract to continue as a race driver for Force India in 2011, which a copy resides in Geneva with the FIA Contract Arbitration Board; scuttlebutt continues to swirl that Force India would prefer to insert reigning DTM Champion Paul di Resta; cousin of somebody named Dario Franchitti into Liuzzi’s seat instead...

JYS: Di Resta deserves 2011 drive

The 24-year old Scot has taken part in Friday morning Free Practice sessions and comes with the caveat of being backed by Mercedes Benz, who currently power the Silverstone-based squad’s racecars. As reputedly di Resta’s inclusion as a race driver could lead to a discounting on Vijay Mallya’s ‘Merc engine bills? As scuttlebutt also claims that Mr. Mallya’s team has been not overly fast upon paying its creditors; not to mention a few legal battles it’s lost recently...

Then there’s The Incredible Hulk looking for employment after having been let-go by Team willie to make way for Pastor Maldonado. As Nico Hulkenberg has already decreed: I’M NOT DRIVIN’ NO STINKIN’ HRT! And could be set to take up the dubious task of Test & Reserve Driver for Force India – with the proviso of doing Friday morning outings a la di Resta in 2010... Could this simply be a tune-up for Nico’s manager Willi Weber’s previous charge’s seat? (Can you say Herr Schumacher...)

Although three F1 Constructors have yet to publicly announce their 2011 Driver line-ups: Force India, Hispania and Scuderia Toro Rosso; it’s expected that Toro Rosso will stand pat with its 2010 drivers, thus leaving Hispania as the only team yet to confirm its driver intentions for the upcoming season.

And this seems a tricky situation too – as I’d like to see Bruno Senna retain his drive; as I’m sure that Uncle Bernaughty would like to keep the Senna name in the Formula One spotlight. Yet I’m assuming Mr. E also wants to see Karun “Cowboy” Chandhok back in a race drive for 2011, especially with the upcoming inaugural Indian Grand Prix.

And although it would certainly be a downgrade for Tonio – driving for HRT, it seems to me it would be the best way to keep his name on the F1 roll call. As although I’d hazard a guess that Messer Fernandes still hopes to see his Homeboy “F-Squared” (Fairuz Fauzy) move up to the role of Grand Prix driver soon; perhaps if Liuzzi was willing to try-try, try-again? He’d make a great replacement for the knottsoe Trulli Scrumptious, eh? Or he could moonlight at HRT in preparations to become Rubino’s successor after his 20th season in F1?

And perhaps I’m wrong – having become a fan of tonio’s ever since I read ‘bout his Moon walking in Gold Boots escapade; not to mention he reminds me quite a bit of MAD MAX (NO! NOT Mosley - Massimiliano) Papis... As it doesn’t seem like Tonio’s ever gotten a legitimate chance in F1. I mean, just imagine if Tonio’s Gearbox hadn’t decided to go south whilst running a fabulous fourth at his home race in Monza, Italy, way back in 2009, upon his F1 return as “Fishy Fella’s” replacement - when the VJM-01’s were surprisingly fast in low downforce configuration...

Forza Tonio

Now comes word that India’s first Gran Primo Piloto, Narain Karthikeyan has usurped his countryman Karun Chandhok for a drive at HRT. With backing from none other than the TaTa Group – as in India’s TaTa Motors, Y’all know as in the current owners of Jaguar and Land Rover... Which means I guess ‘“Cowboy Chandhok may be looking for work elsewheres; Hmm? There’s always Narain’s PickemUp Truck seat, eh?

Blog Tidying in Progress...

Just wanted to let Yuhs know that I’ll be doing some long neglected Blog Maintenance the next week or so – thus there may be some sporadic posting until I finish this momentous task! As I plan to finally go thru the “Nine thousand Nine hundred ninety-nine; NUMBER 9? NUMBER 9? NUMBER 9? Hya! (Otay, actually it’s just shy ‘O a mere TON! NOT including the 24 Photograph Posts I’ve already deleted...) As I’m attempting to delete ALL of the broken images that are courtesy of Blogger.com Blogsite conversion last May; SHEISA! Which I SCREAMED ‘bout in;

WARNING: NoFenders.net to Blackout?

Sounds fun, right? (Although I’ll leave the ‘Mega Blue Crown Spark Plug Saga for another day – since each segment has multiple images I’ll need to scan once again; URGH!)

Also, if you’d like to see me focus upon something in particular/less in 2011 - Please leave me a comment...

Tally Ho! Back soon...

Thanks for your patience!
Tomaso

2011 Dakar Notes: Stage-4

Whale the Dakar just keeps getting’ wackier ‘N wackier... As don’t ask me why; BUTT! ‘Ol Robby Gordon’s troubles seem to have brought a smile to my face..
.As in all the years I’ve tried following the Dakar via sometimes sketchy TV-shows in the middle of the night... I’ve NEVER-EVER-EVER seen such a comical Cock-up as Messer Gordon’s... Although it seems slightly odd to Mwah that the cameras just happened to be Johnny On-the-Spot and capture Robby saying into his radio... (WTF? – my words...) What? What do you mean Eliseo’s already driven by??? As Salazar is Robby’s “Domestique” as Robby ‘Purple Floyd likes to call them. (And I believe I’ve also heard the term Water-carrier during the broadcasts...)

But it was FREAKIN’ Hillarious to listen to ‘Ol Gordon pining away in disbelief – as apparently “Salad-bar” had NEVER seen his team leader’s (employer) stricken Hummer on the side of the road after the refueling stop during the Liaison (Pre-race) portion of the morning’s event and drove onto the start, leaving Robby’s stricken ‘HumDinger on the side of the road awaiting new parts to repair its broken right front wheel; Aye Karumba!

As although Robby did complete the stage some 5+ hours later, he was officially “D-S-Queued” (Disqualified) from the event for failing to make the start on time – and has now packed up ‘N flown back to California to prepare for his Day-job – somme-thun called RASSCAR...

Later during the broadcast Gernot Bauer noted how my Homeboy Jonah Street was victim to not being on a full “works” YamaHopper – as Jonah’s ‘Scooter, amongst others was suffering from the stage’s extremely high altitude; some 11,000+ feet – suffering from a lack of oxygen as he didn’t have the latest Direct-injection set-up of the factory riders and thus, was suffering from a lack of horsepower! Yet, Street has rebounded up to eighth-place overall as of Stage-5.

Meanwhile, Cyril Despres, one of the two favourites for overall victory in this year’s Dakar Bikes category was handed a 10-minute time penalty for not entering/exiting the Bivouac correctly – get this; after having forgotten his riding gloves! Which he went back to retrieve prior to the stages start...

New Year’s Tidings

Welcome to the year Twenty-eleven and Happy New Year’s Y’all!

As now that I think – Think Pink! The Christmas lights have been returned to their boxes and the petrol-fried, Err petrified trees have been discarded? I’m gonna throw a few Bones out – which are in NO way intended to set a FUNK towards the overly fast approaching Two thousand-eleven racing season...

Just a few things I’ve been sitting on until the Holiday Season was over, the last of Ye Eggnogg was downed and the final slivers ‘O Holdazes Fudge was consumed, eh?

Bone-1
Thus, sounding like a broken record... Especially since I believe I’d commented on it befores, albeit I cannot seem to locate said Post; ‘nor definitely (NOT!) being as eloquent as Geo. Phillips...

It’s Time TO Fix The Record Book

But have Y’all ever tried to disseminate the Overall Indy Car winners tally totals... As it’s about as clear as mud on a rainy day! Since the Indy Racing League, which I used to call the inDEE Retirement league – Yoose knows when all of the ‘Washed-up CART Starz bolted for the greener (Dinero) pastures of Ronnie Georges rival ALL Oval racin’ series; OOPS! ‘Dat sure was a long time ago, eh?

Yet, since Randy “where’s-duh-Beef” Bernard has declared the Open Wheel Racing Series to henceforth be known as IndyCar – will you pleas for the LUV ‘O Chump Carz fix your stinkin’ Historical records – instead of continuing to admonish the CART/Champ Car drivers for having raced there previous to the IRL! As I believe that CART NEVER did this, since I’ve always understood since becoming a dedicated Fan (participant) nearly one-quarter century ago; YIKES! That the following USAC driver’s rooled the roost for overall victories in the Championship Auto Racing Teams record books...

1979-2010

(Rank/Driver/Wins)

1. A.J. Foyt 67

2. Mario Andretti 52

3. Michael Andretti 42

4. Al Unser 38

5. Sebastian Bourdais 31

5. Paul Tracy 31

5. Al Unser, Jr 31

8. Bobby Unser 29

9. Rick Mears 28

10. Rodger Ward 27

11. Dario Franchitti 26

12. Ralph DePalma 25

12. Scott Dixon 25*

12. Johnny Rutherford 25

15. Bobby Rahal 24

16. Jimmy Bryan 23

16. Emerson Fittipaldi 23

16. Gordon Johncock 23

16. Tommy Milton 23

20. Tony Bettenhausen 21

20. Earl Cooper 21

22. Helio Castroneves 19

22. Ralph Mulford 19

24. Danny Sullivan 17

25. Alex Zanardi 15

26. Tony Kanaan 14

NOTE

This list was simply compiled by myself from some old statistics floating around in the No Fenders Archives – Circa ’05; having NO idea where I found it upon ze internets... Therefore, it’s definitely NOT official by any means. (Use at your own risk...)

Scott Dixon*; Don’t know/think that his current indicated wins tally of 24 includes his lone 2001 Nazareth, PA CART victory...

Bone-2

Although I know I should resist the temptations ‘O commenting towards this, nevertheless – it’s been drivin’ me a ‘Wee bit crazy... As ‘Juan Blogger mentioned late last year how all of the Bloggeratzi had quit bloggin’ now that the IndyCar season was over... HERROE? I posted stories ALL the way up to Christmas Eve – Even if they’d been percolatin’ awhiles in the No Fenders story hopper, eh?

Since if there’s anything I do too MUCH of... It’s spending copious amounts ‘O time poondin’ awaze on meeze keebords... Err, getting’ mize nucel’s BLOODY whilst scribblin’ meeze heartz ‘N eyeballz away! As an official card carryin’ member of the now defunct United Open Wheel Word butcher’s Association. (Not to mention having to reformat this 'N other posts; Thanxs Blogger!)

And that’s not to mention how I also kinda feel like a new Split is occurring in Bloggerland? As it seems you’re either an IRL Blogger, Uhm? IndyCar bloghead or an Open Wheel Blogger; Hmm? What’s that ‘Ol saying ‘bout sometimes Yuhs feels like a NUT; sometimes Yoose DON’T; Hya!

Thus, being ‘Juan of the latter, hence one receives way less coverage upon the Blogosphere – even dare I say it? Being left outta weekly compilingz ‘O Indy Car lore... As yeah, I know; I’m breaking rule No. 2 of the Four Secrets by taking this personally... so; Here’s My Sign, Eh! (As there – I finally let it go...)

Bone-3

And I really know I should just finally let go of this ‘Juan too, especially since Randy “The CandyMann” Bernard is tryin’ to instill an ALL sunshine policy (NOT to be Cornfuzed with the DannaWho Rainbowz ‘N Bunnies World Tour...) as in: Who can make the IndyCarLand Zoom-Zoom again; Randy CAN!

BUTT - Psst... Here’s an idea Mr. Bernard. If you truly wish to recover those 15-20 million Fans you lost during The Split... Then by all means QUIT punishing Portland and the Northwest for having been such devoted CART/Champ Car Fans and bring a FREAKIN’ race back to Portland International Raceway! Of course you’ll haveda start some sorta new marketing ploy, now that you’ve given PIR’s traditional Father’s Day race weekend date away to Ahem... A Midwest track that traditionally draws a SMALLER audience then Portland did during its Heydays...

As in case Yuhs can’t guess? I’m a bit partial to my Hometrack of some 20-years being given what I consider the Cold Shoulder... As I just DON’T get it; Yuh’s mean’s to tell me the Pacific Northwest AIN’T a desirable market? Oh Whale – Never Mind!

Hey IndyCar – I think Portland’s still available...

Bone-4
For all of those Hosers Up North Eh! Especially that fine ‘KuhNaidiun Lass Meesh – would somebody step up to the plate and give Messer chrome Horn – The Thrill from the West Hill, a.k.a. Paul Tracy a Fulltime ride in 2011, so we can see ‘Ol PT go out in a blaze ‘O glory, eh?

And for IndyCarz sakes – please QUIT clowning ‘round and confirm the return of Edmonton, will Yuhs! As it’s apparently become my new Hometrack and I’d like to purchase my ticket in the track’s new configuration...

Bone-5
And lastly, whilst some think the replacing of Bob Jenkins by LyndieCar for the Versus IZOD IndyCar Central Pre-race show is a good thing; Hmm? Lindy Thackston or Mr. Oldie – wonder which’s easier on the eyes, eh? Hey! Mr. Jenkins did host a Golden Oldies show; 1950-1960’s show on Radio Brownsburg last year...

But just do me ‘Juan BIG favour Versus... QUIT tryin’ to replicate RASSCAR with a 1:43hrs LONG Preamble... Preferably just make it a consistent half-hour Preview show, or otherwise at least tell us when the race will start so we DON’T haveda be tortured by the starts coming up in just minutes, really, honest...

And hey, if The Wanderin’ Milka isn’t gonna be out on the track this year... Why not make her the ‘Ofical Post-race winner’s interviewer? And Yuhs could even call it the CITGO Winners Circles Show – all in the name of Commercialism... Or perhaps Versus could give Milkalicious her own TV show? Hey, if they can have Mouth ‘N Mouthier doin’ a 30min talk show – as in the T’OuchOe Show, then why NOT Milka!

2011 Dakar Notes: Stage-2

And speaking ‘O Princess; Gee Wally! Lookee ‘Dar – somebody’s already PEAK-ing... And the racing season’s barely begun; YIKES!
As I sat down to watch the late night airing of Dakar – would you be shocked if I told Yuhs the very first commercial outta the chute was DannaWho?

Meanwhile two of the four ‘Yanks: Mark Miller & Robby Gordon certainly look like they’ve PEAKED in this year’s Dakar, as Miller became the first major catastrophe when he managed to roll-over his VW Race Touareg 3 on another slithery day’s outing, dropping some 40+ minutes behind.

How Many FIAT’s does it take to Move a Hummer?
(Whale certainly MORE than One...)
As this was the $64,000 question Robby Gordon was dying to find out the answer too – after apparently having missed a turn and subsequently HIT a rock and then became High-centered, Err stranded on the Isle... As a local in a FIAT tried to push Gordon’s SPEED-energy Drinks HumDinger off of its precarious perch to NO avail!

According to Gernot Bauer, the No. 303 Hummer ended up being stuck for 1hr (plus?) while Robby’s Navigator got food poisoning - reportedly throwing-up 5-times in the truck; Aye Karumba! DON'T even wanna think 'bout how 'Juan throws up with a full face helmet on, eh?

Supercross: Will Dungey repeat in 2011?

As the Seattle Seahawks couldn’t hold my attention whilst losing on the road (once again) to the Tampa Bay Bucaneers; (Back on Dec 26th...) GEEZ! Uze meenze duh SEA-CHICKENS still had a chance to claim the Division NOBODY wants to win... Even after losing to the Buc’s on the road. Yet, somewhat shockingly - they won the NFC West Division over the St Louis Rams.

And while I’ve been told repeatedly that the Seahawks are the Milka Duno of the National Football League – after becoming the very first ever team in NFL history to win their division, along with making the playoffs with a losing record. (7-9) Nevertheless, Seattle’s in, after garnering NBC a ‘Mega 12.6 rating for the Nail-biter Sunday night primetime finale...

But back to a different week, when the NFL was asking Milka, Err the Seahawks to park-IT! Did I mention that I think Milkalicious is on Special Assignment for this year’s DAKAR? Hya! But I digress – and thus, I was surprised to bounce into a 2011 AMA Supercross preview show being aired upon CBS – WTF?

2011 Supercross Preview Show
Supercross Legends Jeremy McGrath, Ricky Carmichael, Jeff Emig and Jeff Stanton breakdown the most competitive season ever...

So I watched a bit of it, although I was a bit BUMMED by the Quartet’s ‘O Champions seemingly Dissin’ my Homeboy Ryan Villopoto, as NONE of these former two-wheeler’s included Villopoto in their title pick – claiming that Ryan Flyin’ V just doesn’t have the stamina to last a whole season – being prone to crashing...

As Carmichael, Emig & Stanton all picked Ryan Dungey to repeat as Champion in 2011; while McGrath proclaimed boldly how he never followed the pack – thus he was picking rookie Trey B.T. Canard to pick up the scraps when Chad Reed, James “Bubba” Stewart ‘N Ryan Dungey all beat themselves into the ground while fighting for the crown.

And whilst discussing the trio of upcoming “Standout” rookies; Canard, Jake Weimer & a Player to be named later, (Sorry – but I didn’t catch the third Amigos name) it was noted how preposterous it was that reigning two-time Lights East Champion Christophe Pourcel was without a ride! Which kinda made me think of the current plight ‘O Indy Lights... As we’re still waiting for the FIL Boyz (and Girls) to actually have an impact upon the Big Carz, nee IndyCar; since currently reigning Indy Lights Champion J.K. Vernay is still without a drive for 2011, although I’m hoping he’ll wind-up in the second Conquest Racing seat, thanks in part to his potential Championship bonus from Mazda... Kinda like how “Symone PaginNo” (Simon Pagenaud) did with his Atlantics cheque to become Will Power’s teammate in the waning Champ Car dazes...

As the 2011 ICS season looks likely to be a potential Breakout year for the Indy Lights class with J.R. Hildebrand at Panther, Charlie Kimball at Chip Ganassi’s ‘Seester B-Team. While hopefully Vernay, the Mayor ‘O Hingetown (James Hinchcliffe) and ‘Plowie (Martin Plowman) graduate to the Big Leagues this year...

So, wouldn’t it be nice if Versus did a similar Preview show for the upcoming IndyCar season, with say – Oh I don’t’ know; Hmm? ‘Lil Al, “EMMO,” Booby Ray-X and Rick Mears as the Driver Expert’s panel – instead of running another gauntlet ‘O DannaWho? Promo-show’s...

Meanwhile, I’ll stick with ‘mize Homeboy Ryan Flyin’ V (Villopoto) - who was on track to win the title last year before going down hard while chasing Dungey. While you can check out all the action from the Twenty-eleven season opener from Anaheim, CA live on SPEED at 7PM (PACIFIC) January 8th...

2011 Dakar Notes

Just a few quick updates from last night’s Stage 1 TV highlights...
Whale, I think I know where Milkalicious is... After having watched the first installment of Versus’s DAKAR 2011 coverage last night. I think she’s on assignment making her television debut as a roving reporter on location for the Versus Behind-the-Scenes segments; Hya! Otay; NO disrespect to Milka, Err Mrs. Sainz – who Robby ‘Purple Floyd said is NO relation to Carlos Sainz. As perhaps it’s just me? BUTT! Why does Versus’s show strike me as a Spinoff of SPIKE TV’s Champ Car broadcasts? (Which weren’t very good if Y’all recall, eh?) As they tried a behind-the-scenes segment with first Mrs. TAG, (Bronte Tagliani) and later some blonde named Michelle something-ruther? As all we need now is for El Charo to show up with some number double-ought hand towels – Oh Never Mind!

And I’m equally BUMMED they’ve replaced Toby Moody with some new guy from Eurosport. (Who unfortunately I couldn’t even hazard a guess at his name...) so overall – while immensely disappointed by the New & Improved Versus Dakar show - at least I’ll be able to once again follow the Rally daily, which is more then I can say for the FIA World Rally Championship, eh? Since I still think Versus would be smart to grab this “Niche” market, which features Ken Block and Kimi Raikkonen, and return the WRC to North American households...

If Versus was Smart
Meanwhile, Mr. Eurosport claimed that contrary to many reports, Robby Gordon’s Hummer isn’t running 4WD for the first time, instead soldiering on in its familiar 2WD variant; which having been caught in the midst of a thunderstorm – forced Robby to slither his way to the end of the first Day’s stage in P8, some Ten-plus minutes behind...

Mr. Eurosport (sorry Dude...) also noted that Jonah Street, who finished sixth on Day-1, had finished ahead of all of the “Works” Yamaha’s – which I guess means Jonah’s just riding a “Semi-works” bike, eh?

And VW’s Mark Miller finished fourth overall, just a tick over four and one-quarter minutes behind leader Sainz. While Quinn Cody was a very respectable 13th in his Debutant Dakar stage outing. You can tune into Versus TV coverage again today, with multiple broadcast airings – so check your local listings...


UPDATEJust watched the beginning of today’s repeat of last night’s opening Dakar recap show where this time I caught Messer Floyd divulge the two Onsite personalities names;

DAKAR: VERSUS ONSITE REPORTERS:
Gernot Bauer: Eurosport TV Dakar reporter
Ines Sainz: Dakar Talking Head (HotBod?)

And it really strikes me as ODD/SAD! If this is indeed the very same Mrs. Sainz who gained her 15 MyNutes ‘O Fame last September in the NY Jet’s locker room? As how many female Latin reporters can their be with this name?

If this is correct? As I’m Assuming it is... Then I’m really disappointed by Versus’s going on the cheap ‘N tawdry FOX route!
Ines Sainz, TV Reporter, Allegedly Harassed by Jets

Austin Breaks Ground on future Grand Prix site

“The unofficial lap record for a car to negotiate the bumpy terrain is reportedly 31 minutes...”
According to the Austin American Statesman - organizers of the future United States Grand Prix; who had hoped to begin construction work by the end of the year, have made good on this objective. As a small fleet of machinery attacked the proposed Turn 11 when breaking ground just days prior to that glitzy Disco Ball droppin’ in NY’s Times Square.

Work on the 970-acre site in southeast Austin is expected to be completed Just-in-Time for a June, 2012 date – to most likely coincide with the Canadian GP at Il Notre Dam...

Construction finally underway on Austin’s F1 facility

DAKAR: 3rd Annual South American Rally Raid begins

So it’s time once again to ring in the New Year by poundin’ Over-the-Hills and Thru-the-Camel Grass from Buenos Aires to Chile ‘N Back in a blistering 15-day trek, when some several hundred competitors – as in 430 kicked off the Rally ‘O ALL Rallies on New Year’s Day with what I thought was billed as a non-timed “Ceremonial” Stage in order for spectators to view the armada of two, four ‘N more wheeled racing machinery, before getting down to business on January 2nd when the racing begins in earnest. Yet, there were times handed out on Stage-1 with both of last year’s champion’s heading the Time-sheets.

As far as I can tell by my very non-scientific methods – there’ll be at least four ‘Yank’s contesting this year’s event; (not including navigators/support crews, etc) as the 33rd running of the DAKAR encompasses some 5,900+ miles of torturous landscapes – with apparently two American’s in the Bikes & Cars categories respectively.

Northwest local Homeboy rider Jonah Street (Ellensburg, WA) once again tackles the two-wheel category. As this year Street will be supposedly riding a factory “Works” Yamaha WR450F decked out in Dakar-trim, as Jonah won the Mongolia Rally Raid in convincing style on his first outing on the new 4-stroke 450cc ‘Scooter.

Meanwhile, I’ve just discovered a new addition to this year’s Bike class; as Honda will have American Quinn Cody, apparently a “BaJah” (Baja) specialist making his Dakar debut. As this year’s event will be won outright by a 450cc Scooter, with seven makes in the mix: KTM; Yamaha; Aprilia; Honda; BMW; Beta. (Don’t know that ‘Juan...) and Kawasaki? (As I can only find six Manufacturers - listed...)

Yet, most likely they’ll all be chasing the KTM Duo of Marc Coma and Cyril Despres who’ve won the Dakar the past five-years running, while KTM has won the last nine events in-a-row...

DAKAR 2011: Bike Preview
Robby Gordon will once again spearhead the charge for his Team “Humdinger” entry, as Gordon will bring two trucks again to the Dakar, in hopes of taming the rally that’s been extraordinarily harsh upon his Hummer’s, with Robby in the No. 303 entry and multiple internets sources leaking during the final week of December, that reputedly former F1 and IndyCar driver “Ellio Salad-bar” (Eliseo Salazar) would be piloting the second Robby Gordon Motorsports No. 327 entry. And apparently with Scrutineering now underway, Salazar’s name has been officially divulged by Gordon’s team; ironically Robby and Eliseo were teammates at A.J. Foyt for the 2001 Indy 500...

Mark Miller will once again compete for the defending Dakar “Car” category winners Volkswagen, as part of the mighty VW Race Touareg 3 brigade – which includes reigning Dakar champion Carlos “El Matador” Sainz.

Volkswagen interview with Carlos Sainz
Yet Sainz will once again face fierce competition from within his Volkswagen teammates; recall Nasser Al-Attiyah’s extremely close fought duel with Carlos last year, as the two VW drivers tossed the lead back ‘N forth almost daily... Not to mention Miller wishing to move up two steps upon the podium.

Then there’s Dakar Master Stephane Peterhansel in the BMW camp looking to make up for last year’s disappointment, as the X3 was probably the quickest vehicle in the Car-category, before Peterhansel suffered a broken Driveshaft while leading thru Stage 5.

Of interest will be the all new BMW Mini All4 Rally Car making its Dakar debut, as driver Guerlain Chicherit and co-driver Michel Perin completed two days of testing in France on Dec 13-14, in preparations for the upcoming Dakar challenge. Chicherit finished fifth overall last year in the BMW X3...
Strong Car field awaits start of 2011 Dakar
And I’m assuming that Versus coverage will once again be anchored by Robby ‘Purple Floyd – with Toby Moody on the ground, as you can catch daily recap shows, which all I could find via my TV Guide listings was a late-nite airing of 9PM (PACIFIC) tonight. (January 2nd) As ALWAYS! Check your local listings...