SPEED PISSES ALL OVER MALDONADO’S VICTORY

Pastor Maldonado puts Williams back in F1 victory lane. (Source: autoweek.com)

Perhaps it’s just Mwah; BUTT! After watching a gripping Spanish Grand Prix “live” Sunday morning, albeit having taped the early morning race... With four sets ‘O fingers crossed ‘N chanting GO PASTOR! For the final half of the race; whilst getting more ‘N more nervous as the laps wound down as I just didn’t want Fredrico Suave (Alonso) to win again - especially in his home race, I gave out the requisite WOO HOO ATTA BOY SHOUT! As Pastor Maldonado not only became the first ever Venezuelan to claim Pole Position; BUTT! The country’s first ever Formula 1 winner...

And thus I looked forward with glee towards hearing the Venezuelan national anthem... But wait a My-nute, it’s here somewhere... Nope that’s not it, that’s the Austrian anthem we forgot to play in China... OH SHIT! I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised, yet the JACKALOPES at SPEED Went to commercial break instead... Waah-waah-waah; weeze AIN’T playin’ NO STINKIN’ Venezuelan anthem on our Rhubarb Murdoc television networks Yuhs Hear!

WOW! Talk about your Tin Hat conspiracy theories, eh? As I left the broadcast feeling a bit like some sorta Leftist Guerrilla upon noticing this TRAVESTY! As all I could think of saying was: GET OVER IT!!!

Oooh, that pesky ‘lil Hugo Chaves and his national Oil consortium PSDVA - who’ve footed Pastor’s inclusion into Team Willy with a cool $29+ million pounds cheque, actually WON an F1 race. And then sorry folks, we’ve gotta run ‘cause we’re airing our debutant English Premiere League Football game; WTF??? For some reason, I thought I was watchin’ SPEED TV; NOT FOX, ESPN or the “Douche” or any of those other “Stick ‘N Ball” networks; SHEISA!

As all of us loyal American Formula 1 Fans will haveda wait a further 24hrs in order to hear  ‘N see a  jubilant Pastor Maldonado winner’s interview; scoring Williams F1 first Grand Prix victory since some cat named Juan Pablo Montoya took the chequered flag for Williams back in ‘Twenty-oh-four. (2004) as I’m sure Sir Frank couldn’t have asked for a better birthday wish indeed! Having just celebrated his 70^th birthday recently...

First Bahrain and now this Spanish GP BULLSHIT! Makes me wonder how long I’ll continue watching Formula One...

Congratulations Pastor! As I’m sure somebody knows the answer to how long it’s been since we’ve had two first-time Grand Prix winners in a season, eh? As I’m currently loathe to believe SPEED’s statistics since they were all Constricted over Maldonado’s Pole position a further 24hrs later when ‘Hobbo read the Teleprompter saying it was Williams F1 first Pole since ‘Quick Nick Heidfeld’s in 2005... Before somebody finally righted the ship during the bastardized half grid reading and finally recognized Nico Hulkenberg’s debutant 2010 Pole position at Brazil for Williams...

Thus, I intentionally held off posting this story until watching the SPEED replay which did actually show both the Venezuelan and British anthems being played - as is traditionally shown, along with actually giving us the Top-3 finisher’s interview with James Allen... Which apparently were CHOPPED Sunday in order to make way for the Chelsea Football match, which reminded me of years past butchery routinely performed upon IndyCar broadcasts - which hopefully is NOT a sign of things to come at SPEED; especially since now I cannot  get this new fangled SPEED2 channel; SHEISA! Hope I’m not gonna be forced to endure the whole obtaining of the Speed Channel FARCE once again...

 Congrats Pastor!