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“ChewBaru - The Mobile Masticator!”
(Source: chewbaru.com)
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As back to this wallowing story at hand, which was
originally penned after having attended thee Twenty-eleven Freemont ‘ArtCarz
Festimus...
As it was another fairly typical moist, damp and grey
weekend here in the Pacific Northwest – which although apparently its been
going on for several years now – that is the Art Car portion of the yearly
Freemont Faire, nevertheless your Humble No Fenders Scribe was totally unawares
of this very different Auto Show known as the Art Cars Blowout, which I quickly
dubbed “Ye ArtCarz Festimus!” Which according to Mariann Lou, in Art your Engines was tied for the second largest show with Minneapolis
– both trailing Houston’s
300-strong annual ArtCarz show...
Summer 2011
Hence, in a belated attempt to cleverly squeeze-in;
Uhm? Don’t squeeze duh charmin, right? As I know I’ve scribbled about Freemont
before in deference to that ‘lil ‘Ol Red, White ‘N Blue tradition known as thee
Fourth ‘Oh July in;
Thus I decided it was time to let thy ‘Dawgs out, right?
Err, this bushel ‘O Award Winning No Fenders stories from that ever conquering nebulous
black hole and thus I bring Y’all a collection of past events ‘O traipsing
round thy Pacific Northwest in the following
Blockbuster No Fenders trilogy...
AUTOS: Art Cars of a Different Sort...
Not to be confused with the magnificent collection of Automobilia
Finery at the Portland Art Museo ‘Wayback in 2011;
Nor BMW’s Art Cars, which always make me conjure up images
of the esteemed Andy Warhol, albeit I have NO visual image of what he actually
looked like in my head... NOPE! Instead, these utilitarian vehicles have taken
on a ‘Zaniness all of their own...
Having decided to skip Saturday’s overly large anticipated
crowd of 100,000-people; (take that INDYCAR- as Y’all continue thumbing your
Midwest pinky fingers at the Pacific Northwest!
Especially since it was drizzling that dreaded wet stuff more commonly known as
precipitation on the day in question... I’d guesstimate there were
approximately 40-50 Art Cars on hand Sunday – and it was some – pretty wild
stuff!
And reputedly Freemont locals prefer to call their
neighborhood the Republic
of Freemont – where Y’all
can find the Center of the Universe by simply spotting the large, upright Rocket!
Although this is most likely overshadowed by the huge Vladimir Lenin
statue from Slovakia, that a vacationing man from Issaquah rescued and brought
to Seattle – having originally found it face down after having been toppled in
’89 when some Doofus named ‘Ronnie posed for the cameras and told some ‘Rooskie
to tear down some Berlin wall! As this savior of said statue then mortgaged his
house in order to save the sculpture and bring it to the Pacific
Northwest...
Both the Rocket & Lenin arrived in Freemont in ’94 and
just east of Lenin’s statue is an intersection in Freemont that tells you the
distance to various land masses, i.e. Australia, etc – as Freemont
proudly declares itself to be the Center of the Universe, just look for the
Rocket Y’all!
NOTE
FUCKING
COMMERCIALISM!!!
Very funny; NOT! Learning some 2yrs later that in
order to view MY OWN pictures that were taken by Snobyrd MJ, that since they
were put onto a Kodak Disc, you’ve now gotta load a FUCKING Kodak “Easy Share
program, which I couldn’t get to work properly, as this is BULLSHIT! They’re my
own pictures and I just wanna look at them and then upload a few to this
riveting No Fenders BLOB story; BUTT NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank You Very little Kodak! And Yuhs wonder why
NOBODY’S printing pictures these Dazes, eh?
Art Car Starz
ChewBaru
Think this oddity wins the prize for farthest distance –
from Kansas
Multiples of teeth/tooth brushes, etc. Individual teeth
implanted into A-pillars. Rear of car has toothpaste tubes pointing straight
out like multiple exhaust pipes...
Flamingo Rig
Think it had a ‘Flock ‘O white; Err Pink Flamingo’s upon it;
hence the name should give I-T away, right?
Discmobile
Somebody had cleverly glued Compact Discs upon the entire
body of this car...
Butterfly Car
Butterfly car – my favourite...
Reverend Billy’s Churchmobile Station Wagon
Reverend Billy’s Church ‘O Road Trips complete with screaming
Baby-on-Board in back seat... Later on second go-around of perusing the ArtCarz
- it was playing the hideously farcical Beatles Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
recorded by William Shatner; WORST Beatles cover-song ever! Done at height of
Captain James T. Kirk & Starship Enterprises zenith; YIKES!
Barbie Hurst
Hurst with pink
vinyl upholstery!
Dinosaur Car
My Second place Silver medallion choice was the Dinosaur car
which had a GURR-REAT!!! Paint scheme + tail on rear end...
ToyNota
Man dressed in Disney costume; lots of toys plastered upon
it...
Gypsy Van
Van replete with Mannequin that reads fortune cards – said
Undercover Police Car on side of it, with a couple of Vanagons parked
alongside...
Yarn Car
The Ultimate Shag rug-mobile, as thy Yarn Car is a 1967
Chrysler Imperial completely adorned in multitudes ‘O yarn...
OptillusionMobile
Mazda Miata Obtuse-mobile , was basically Miata with very
funky, 3D-ish obtuse painting upon it...
Hydromobile
This car garnered the third place (white ribbon) bronze
medallion award for My Favourite entries – although it grabbed my Heartstrings
for Most Sentimental, especially since it centered ‘round Ye theme of Hydroplane’s...
1991 Lincoln Town Car – Hydromobile – hasda be a Seattle, Washington
car, right? As it featured small wooden hydros on roof made from excess wood
used to restore the Miss Hawaii Kai Hydroplane - which the Seattle Hydroplane & Raceboat Museum sold as
Christmas ornaments, as I’ve apparently only been able to identify two of them,
albeit there were more;
- U-6: Miss Madison
- U-8: Miss Hawaii Kai III
And the front of the Lincoln’s
hood had three Hydro’s adorning it: which appeared to be of mid-1990’s
‘Blower-boat (Turbine powered) vintage, with one being a Miller boat, i.e.;
Chip Hanhauer/Jim Lucero...
OTHERS:
- Area 51/Avitaar Mobile
- AborigineMobile
- Elvis Mobile
- GPT Truck