thus the Brain trust at Starship HC, led by
the overly flamboyant Mark "I've Got-a-Plan!" Miles, who perhaps theme
song instead should be Cold as ice? Has decided that instead of leaving well
enough alone, let's monkey up our current points system, and viola! I've got
I-T! We'll award Double points for our three 500-milers... Instead of actually
adding more Ovals to the schedule, we'll just give 'em ALL Double points -
along with FREE Banana Split sundae's to the winner, with sprinkles 'N cherry
on top; Mmm, Mmm Good!
And making the Indy 500 points structure as
Clear as Mud on a Rainy Day! Uhm, not a funny thought after our most recent Deadly
Mud Slide nearby Arlington, WA... Nevertheless, IndyCar will award a further
42-points for Indy 500 qualifying; C'mon guys! Yuhs could have at least made it
43, as in "the King's" number since Y'all know Uze wanna be like
'RASSCAR; URGH!
'Cornfuzed yet? Well I for one am hoping
mightily that "FAST EDDIE!" Aka Ed Carpenter sweeps to the Indy Car
Series season championship by virtue of
winning ALL three 500-milers, the I500 Pole and an extra million dollars from
his sponsor Fuzzy Wuzzy Zellers!
I mean C'mon, if 'lil Napoleon, nee Tony G.
can shill out $100k for sweeping a
Double Header weekend, then why shouldn't Carpenter be the beneficiary of Indy
Cars new and "vastly" improved points system; ACK!
As I hear that for the entire month of May,
IMS will be hosting a Two-fer' (2-for-1) promotion upon its world famous
Tenderloin sandwiches, where Y'all can get two of 'Dem Foot-long Tenderloins
for the price of just one sandwich to facilitate the promotion of Indy's new
Double points system!
Psst, Mark Miles, did Y'all ever read 'bout Bernie's plans for adding
sprinkler's at race tracks to improve the show? Not to mention Double-secret
Overtaking lanes; Hmm? While I guess the sprinklers idea might not be such a
good idea for Turns 1-4, perhaps the slower cars could be allowed to cut thru
the infield via Hulman straight in order to jump ahead of the leaders during some mandatory faux caution periods...
Beaux "Knows" Barfield calls SMOKE ON! Or somebody mysteriously drops
some "Slippery Liquids" On-track; Oh Never Mind!
Chequers' or Wreckers; Yeehaw!