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The Mad Hatter Tomaso puts on his Buxton Big-time
Bash Party Hat prior to flying home from Austin last year. (The Tomaso
Collection)
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Funny Ha-Ha NOT! As I Karmically released the first
edition of what are just some of the typical Pitfalls your visually impaired 'Vurd
Botchier deals with when traveling' to 'N fro, as hopefully today's trip home
will be less eventful? Although traveling thru San Francisco is always an
adventure; YIKES!
Having previously lamented what I'd experience on
the trip home from last year's Austin Formula 1 race in;
Tues, Nov
4, 2014
Ah Ha-Ha! In what will most likely be jotted
down in my No Fenders BLOB' (Blog) as Election Day Storm, 2014! Did Y'all hear
'bout Dallas-Fort Worth *DFW) being shut down for several hours Tuesday, November
4th! Yep, I was 'Thar 'N experienced I-T live and in person!
Leaving my Austin Hosts 'Claudio &
Nelie's Housianda' around 9AM for the 15min drive to airport, where Claudio
dropped me off with Nelie, who took me inside to check-in counter, as my Assist
"Handler" Crystal whisked us thru t$a in mere minutes and think we
were at my gate by 9:30-ish AM?
But I knew something was up when the Gate
Agent, a very "Harried" individual said he was putting me on the 9AM
flight in order to beat the inclement weather at DFW; Huh? As I know it's after
9AM dude.
So I got escorted onboard a fairly full
airplane and seated in a middle seat and everybody 'round Mwah was on their
"SmartArsePhonez" trying to reschedule their connections with the man
in front of us saying DFW was CLOSED for 6hrs; WTF?
So after 'bout nearly 10mins of silence I
asked the man next to me what was our status since they hadn't told me anything
beside sticking me on the plane, which got a wry chuckle outta him.
Sat there for 20+ minutes before pilot came
on loudspeaker to say Sorry Folks, we're still in a "Ground Hold,"
for another half-hour. Sat there 'til 10:30AM when the pilot said Dispatch had
just given him more bad news, saying we're delayed for another hour... Then the
Gate Agent said over the loudspeaker everybody needs to Deplane for 1hr...
I waited for everybody to get off before the
co-pilot named John personally escorted me off the plane and into a sea of chaos in the waiting area and found me
a seat in the middle, far away from the gate, naturally directly behind two
crying Babies; WHHAAAA!
When it was getting near time to finally re-board,
I started getting a 'Wee bit anxious,
since I wasn't quite sure how easily I'd navigate the mayhem when unexpectedly
Crystal, my Handler' re-appeared and took me back aboard the airplane, flight
#1356, whilst my suitcase was onboard flight #1484; Hmm? This is gonna be
interesting...
We took off and went UP for a bumpy 30mins,
for which the captain had the flight crew
remain seated the entire duration and then started descending another 25+ minutes into a
ramshackle DFW Int'l Airport, where everybody had already MISSED their
connecting flights, myself included.
Waited 'til nearly everybody departed and
then escorted by young man to top of jet way and out into concourse, where I
told him I didn't know what Seattle flight I'd be on now? Can I see your
boarding pass sir? I'll be right back in a moment, as he left me standing in
the middle of the line to the "Desk
Jockeys."
He returned and said "You've missed your
flight Sir; " UH DUH! (Which I didn't say...) Yes, I'm aware of that. Otay
I'll be right back sir, as now I'd wished he'd take me with him so I'd know
what was being discussed? Then he returned, handed me my boarding pass and told
me he needed to go to Customer Service...
Leaving me standing there alone in the Gynormous
Dallas Airport, feeling perplexed, I pondered whether or not he was gonna
return? As I'd done this routine in Chicago's O'Hare airport once before, where
United Airlines ultimately left me stranded for 7hrs; FUCK! But told myself I'd
give him 10mins.
Yet as the minutes ticked away I began
feeling uneasy over his swift departure, having seen this movie before and thus
decided to walk up to the ticket counter instead where the nice female agent
asked me if I was going to Orlando, which was currently boarding next to us.
Nope I'm going to Seattle and I got left by Assistance, have NO idea if he's
coming back or if he ever sorted out
what my new connecting flight was? To which she took care of promptly, saying it's
now 1:50PM and I've got you on a 2:30PM flight, but the only trick will be
getting a cart to show up and get you there in time... As I was at gate A-29
and needed to go to C-33; YIKES!
So some 5+ minutes later a nice young
gentleman showed up with a wheelchair
and said he was gonna take me down ten
gates to a waiting shuttle cart; kOOL! We got there and they loaded me in and
the driver was super jovial and just taking his own sweet time 'bout
everything; NO Ariva-Ariva-Ariva here Man; we're on Airport time; Hooah!
So after waiting several minutes he took off
and then stopped 'N picked up another woman who was running to C-15. Dropped
her off and then stopped at C-16 where a cart had been requested, before
stopping for his second passenger's C-26 gate; URGH!
Stopped another time where they asked if they
could load a passenger for gate C-6; C'mon dude, you're KILLING ME! Then he
finally drove me to my gate and
personally escorted me to the check-in desk while I could hear them boarding
the first class & platinum members, as he said this is Mr. Tomas...
Then another young man scurried me
"Conga-line" styled thru the boarding area, bumping people, down the
gangway and to my 18D aisle seat!
Doing my fairly new procedure of leaving my
cane up until my seat mates arrive, the flight attendant corralled Mwah and
said: Does your cane fold or collapse? Yeah Sister, I'm just waiting 'til my
seat mates are all in, to which she said we're done, and I'd end up with an empty middle seat for the originally
planned 3hr 46min flight.
And as typical, the one time I got up
midflight to use the 'loo, after I'd locked myself inside the plane went into
full bumpy turbulence mode with the annoying tape recorded the seat belt sign
has been turned on, please return to your seats message; Oh Bugger Off!
AnyHoo, we fought a Headwind the whole way
home so our flight arrived at 5:18PM instead, which was pretty good
overall, as my original arrival time had been 3:38PM, while the man alongside
me in the window seat, from Iowa was 5hrs behind!
Riding in the wheelchair with my backpack on
lap and white cane folded, underneath
it, I told the lady pushing me, I
seriously doubted my suitcase would be there since I'd been on two wrong
Aeroplanes! So she simply took me to the Baggage Claim office instead, where
the female agent came out and naturally asked me; what colour is your bag and
do you S-E-E IT?
NO! I'm NOT joking there, although it's a pretty typical
comment overall, and I did have my cane folded. Nevertheless, it's always funny
to Mwah, since as I'm constantly reminded, I'm BLIND!
To which afterwards, I told the very pleasant
Shuttle Express driver on my way home; Do I go for the home run here? Bunt it,
take an extra base; Yada-yada-yada,
since her "Softball" was slow 'N right down the middle and even I
could S-E-E it; Hya! But instead I just told
her I DON'T SEE!
She came back minutes later, saying I'd given
her an excellent description and all the record indicator told her was that my bag was in Dallas. As the
Delivery Service first called me at 8:20AM the following day, saying it'd be
delivered between 12-2PM. Then at 11:53AM I heard a suitcase being rolled towards my door outside,
'cause Y'all know, blind people have super HEARING; Hooah! Followed by a knock
on the door at 11:55AM Wednesday and Wallah, suitcase delivered!
That's
All Folks, stay tuned for round 3!
Tomaso
(Photo Courtesy of Austin Hostess Nelie)
