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"RADD!" A Modern Day interpretation of
the Golden Submarine originally made famous by Barney Oldfield, debuted at the
2008 SEMA Show. (Image source: autoblog.com)
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Yeah, I know, Thars' a Quad-zillion
variations 'O these on Ye 'Ol "Intrawoods" as Juan' Sappy Grease; Err
Gas Monkey calls I-T! Y'all know Al Gore's wondrous invention, which may or may
not now be runnin' at full speed anymores; Did somebody say Smores? Uhm-Uhm,
Sprinkles; Hya!
As I've hemmed 'N hawed over whether to do
this again or not? Having skipped doing this the past few years, albeit I have
begun draft versions that have languished fermentin' here in Nofendersville.
With the last edition being uncorked Circa three seasons ago...
Alas, after having unleashed some unbelievable
Monstrosities upon Y'all, and inspired by the simplicity of the Speed Freaks
annual Freakies' Awards.
Although ALL of my
totally Un-Scientific Choices were made prior to theirs, having crystallized
following the season finale Yawner at Yabba Dabba Du, aka Abu Dhabi's riveting
Grand Prix...
Hence, I'm attempting to cut down my
selections & winners choices in a somewhat Streamlined format this year, from
what just came to mind initially, without any judicious studying, deliberating,
etc; as my final tiding 'O 2017.
Arrivederci
Tomaso
CATEGORIES
1. Driver of Year
Winner: Takuma Sato
Yeah, I know the European Press is all
Ah-wash over somebody named Lewis, but how can you simply NOT be impressed by
Taku-san's daring performance, ultimately leading to victory at Indianapolis
this year, especially as the Over looked veteran Andretti runner!
Other
Choices
"The Usual Suspects," i.e.; Formula One's,
Indy Cars, Sports Cars et al "Top Hitters"
2. Race of Year
Winner: Petit Le Mans
The simple choice would be the Indy 500, but
that's too easy, especially since it's Uh Contendah' every year. thus, instead,
I'm going with Petit Le Mans, especially since it was a gripping race, almost
all 10hrs, not to mention full of cautions and lots of Driver Brain Fades
interspersed with Team Penske's return.
Other
Choices
Indianapolis 500, Circuit de la Sarthe, Azerbaijan
& Mexican Grands Prix, Watkins glen & Texas IndyCar races...
3. Car of year
Winner: Porsche 919 Hybrid
Otay, this is probably the funniest category
for Mwah, since I'm Freakin Blind! and therefore can NO longer see what they
look like... As I'm attempting to base my choice upon the technology "W-O-W"
Factor! here.
Alas, naturally the Uber' technical Le Mans
LMP1 Hybrids & F1 "Hybrid Synergy" cars R-R-R' topping Thy list.
Choosing Porsche over Toyota's LMP1 chassis for its winning capability vs. a
faster racecar!
Other
Choices
Toyota TS050, Mercedes W08EQ+, Cadillac DPi VR, ORECA
07, Ford GT, etc.
4. Story of Year
Winner: Fernando to Americre'
Although I find Brittany Force's NHRA Top
Fuel Championship result being more appealing, Y'all simply couldn't escape the
Mega' Media thrash; Err Scrum, Uhm, Spotlight upon Fernando Alonso contesting
this year's Indianapolis 500, or McLaren's audacity to endorse it, having found
Thyself quite mesmerized over this unusual happening.
Other
Choices
Brittany Force's Top Fuel championship, McLaren's
Ugly Honda Divorce, Martin Truex's NASCAR Championship, Porsche's unbelievable
third Le Mans W', Ford's unexpected WRC Championship
5. Sportsperson of Year
Winner: Kristina Nielsen
Ha-Ha, fooled Yuhs! Since even though Missy
Brittany's Top Fuel championship is immense. I'm giving the nod to the Dane'
instead. As Christina Nielsen's Championship was her second in-a-row, against
Works efforts in a lesser funded Scuderia Corsa Prancing Horse squadra,
Correctomundo? As I'm happy to hear that Christina will return next year in a
new cockpit for more IMSA GTD (Daytona) competizione.
Other
Choices
Brittany Force, Dovi', Brendon Hartley, Katherine
Legge, Bill Auberlen, Sebastian Bourdais, Townsend Bell
6. Freak of Year
Winner: Valentino Rossi
"The Doctor's" already a Freak'
just by being the Elder Statesman in MotoGP, and at twice the age of much of
the grid, continues winning. But what gave him the nod here was his unbelievable
Comeback from suffering a broken leg in multiple places, during a training
session, and then returning to competition in an unthinkable 21 days later!
Other
Choices
'lil sid Viddle's (Seb Vettel) Baku Bash, RASSCAR
Ambulance On-track, Daniel Ricciardo's Shoei', Scott Dixon's IMS Flight,
SeaBass's Mother Speedway Qualie' wreck & subsequent season ending
comeback...
7. Rider of The Year
Winner: Andrea Dovizioso
Although I didn't get to S-e-E; Err listen to
a single lick 'O MotoGP on Ye Telie' State side's Bein' Uhm? Invisible; Oh
Never Mind! For Mwah the rider that I've known as Dovi' for years, Thanxs to
departed Yank rider ELBOWZ', aka Ben Spies, albeit in typical Tomaso fashion
I'd speeled it DOVY' for years; but I digress...
AnyHoo, this somewhat unheralded Italian
Kneedragger, now 31, arguably had the season of his career in MotoGP, scoring
an amazing six victories en route to being runner-up to that Pinball Wizard
Dude! With both tied at six W's apiece.
As I especially enjoy the fact that it was Dovizioso being the top lion at Ducati,
over the revered triple MotoGP world champion Jorge Lorenzo, his team-mate.
Other
Choices
Marc Marquez, Maverick Vinales, Valentino Rossi, Johann Zarco
8. Personality of Year
Winner: Patrick Stewart
drinks Shoei at Montreal; Hooah!
Captain Picard's typical, witty, dry,
brilliant Thespian performance as le Circuit Gilles Villeneuve's Kuhnaidiun GP
podium interviewer, where he literally begged for a drink from Dan Ricciardos
race warn boot was simply the best part of the entire darn Bloody race! Leaving
me hard pressed to think of any other candidates for this selection.
Other
Choices
Takuma Sato as Japanese GP Post-race Podium
Interviewer...
9. Quip of Year
Winner: Kevin Magnussen
Suck My Balls, Honey!
As how can I embellish any better upon K-Bacs'
Zinger, other than by noting: Bacon' Fries Hulkster! Yowza!