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Nope, do Not try Adjusting your Picture. As this is
what You'll be seeing when trying to Tune-in to Indy Cars on NBC Sports this
Season. (The Tomaso Collection)
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As where's Good 'Ol Marcus "I've Gotz Ah Plan!
Miles to give us another Soft shoe Tap Dance 'bout how everythingys' Sunshine,
Bunnies 'N Rainbows in IndyCarland...
Ah, where to begin Kiddies? As we're nearing thoust
End of another Stupendous 323 Days 'O Indy Cars Off-season, with St Pete now
just round the corner, you'd think that as a longtime Devoted IndyCar Aficionado
of over 30yrs... I'd be gettin' JAZZED' over the new season, Righto?
NOPE! Instead I'm absolutely 100, 110, or is
it 1,000% PISSED OFF at Indy Cars, and most specifically that Puffed shirt,
Struttin' round like a Peacock, with NO Disrespect towards Peacocks! Mr. Mark
Miles, who's simply SOLD OUT IndyCar to comca$t! And
for how much did Yuhs make on that Dealio, Marcus?
So What am I ranting on 'bout? Well in case
you're looking forward to tuning into the season's first two practice sessions,
or more importantly Qualifying on your local Cable TV Channel, you'll get
NOTHING but Crickets; Chirp-Chirp, Bueller? Where The FUCK Did It G-O?
Perhaps Y'all have heard 'bout the new,
Bestest thingy' since sliced bread NBC Golden Platter; Err, Uhm, I meant Gold
Pass Streaming Service you'll need to Bend Over, Drop Trow' and Pay for in
order to get access to this IndyCar content; SHIT!
Hmm? I just
finally realized thou irony in the name of NBC's Ripoff service being Gold! As
that's what You'll need to Fork Over to get It! Whilst I can only wonder if
this is part of Mr. Miles Midus touch?
As two of the Few remaining, very savvy
IndyCar Bloggers opinions I mostly respect, both seem really far Off the Mark
upon this new IndyCar Paid Programming issue, by extolling how it was
previously Free to Us, and if we really care 'bout Indy Cars then we need to step
up to thou proverbial Plate 'N Pay for It!
Along with Crowing over how they've already
swooped in on the "Early Bird" Platter, Uh tremendous price savings
of Five "George Washington's;" Whoopee! Since last time I checked at
the Deli, that won't even buy Yuhs a Ham Sandwich!
Perhaps it's just Mwah, but Newsflash! Earth
to IndyCar Bloggers... Thars NO such Bloody thing as FREE
Television in Americre! (Unless you're using Wabbit' Ears to pick up three
TV Channels?) And when you subscribe to Cable TV Service,
which the price continuously goes Up 'N Up during each year. Aren't You already
Paying to watch the various TV Channels Content that you've chosen to tune-in
to?
And notice how I
haven't even muttered a single word 'bout the Onslaught 'O Never Ending
Commercial Breaks we're forced to endure during said programs...
Ergo, as I specifically stepped up to
Spectrum/Charter's Silver TV Package upon moving last year, in order to ensure
television access to NBC Sports Network for Indy Cars. And ESPN - and it's
myriad 'O ESPN Sibling Channels for Formula 1, I'm now left with the Dubious
choice of needing to Dole out further Dinero for programming content effectively
Hidden behind A Pay Wall!
Although 50 Smackeroos' ($50) isn't an exorbitant
sum 'O money. Nevertheless, if you're blind, have I mentioned I am lately? Then
Yuhs probably Don't have an Unlimited Budget.
And that's without even going on 'N on 'bout
needing to play Russian Roulette with said Ulysses S. Grant Federal Reserve
Note, (FRN) as Silly Me! Not knowing that Benjaimins' are twice as much Dinero;
But I Digress...
Thus
needing to gamble with said $50 to simply find out if the service even works
with my Screen reader Software? Since I Don't do the App thingys! Relying on
trusty 'Ol Fashioned Desktop Internetz' instead...
Now do you think that GAWDS! FOX, a TV
Channel I typically Avoid like thee plague, along with NBC would pulled such
shenanigans upon their loyal, remaining Diehard RASSCAR' Fan-base? As Talk
'bout your Debby Downer TV Ratings Slide, El Correctomundo?
As I'm not Pontificating over Indy Cars being
shown the entire weekend on NBC, Err I meant NBC Sports,. (NBCSN)
Although they Should, if IndyCar TV Ratings are
truly on the Stratospheric ascent Mr. Miles likes to constantly tout!
But why couldn't they utilize their other
Networks, i.e.; CNBC, USA Network or MSNBC, which they've used CNBC multiple
times previously. Most notably when Indy Cars gets Bumped in favour of Tour de
Farce bicycle racing! Since All of these are already "Pay" Channels
owned by the comca$t Cyclops
Monstrosity.
And it's Funny to Mwah how Eager I was for
Indy Cars to be Rid of ABC Broadcasts with Eddie "The Mouth!" Cheever
and Scotty "Somonex" Goodyear's 18th Hole Augusta Golf Match calls...
But what's that 'Ol Saying? Be Careful of What You wish For, Righto?
Having put up with innumerous Chase the
IndyCar and Formula 1 TV Broadcasts Round thee Dial the past three Decades! Not
to mention even going so far as once buying Satellite TV in order to be able to
Uhm, Gee Wally! Or should that be Mark "I've Gotz' ah-Plan!" Miles?
Specifically to watch Friday Practices, Saturday Qualie' and Sunday's
F1 and IndyCar Broadcasts on what was once fondly known as the Speed Channel!
And lookie where that got me, Eh?
Although I won't take back any of my Disdain
towards (Sean) Brickity Bratches' and the bungling 'O Formula One's Stateside
TV Broadcasts. Nonetheless, it's a tad bit ironic that ESPN now provides better
television coverage 'O Formula 1, with Practice, Qualifying and the Race being available
on Terrestrial TV vs. Indy Cars Blighted; Err Hyped "New &
Improved" Single Network TV package, for which International Viewers are
still Ah-waitin' Word on whether or not they'll have access to it?
Even if we have to
play TV Remote WackumAhMole' to Discern if F1's on ESPN, le Duesh', (ESPN2)
ESPNNews, ESPN U or ESPN Classic? At least I can watch I-T on thou Bloody TV!
Thus I can only surmise one of two things, as
I had to Scoff Out loud at Racer's Marshall Pruett during his latest Podcast with
Thee Viking', aka Anders Krohn. When telling us to Not think that IndyCar was
Shallow when it came to Money Matters; Buh-Buh-BULLSHIT! Newsflash Marshall!
As I can only Speculate that the Fine Folks
at Starship HC', nee Holman & Co. ran thou numbers and decided they should
simply take NBC's Offer and let them pass on the "Savings" to its
loyal IndyCar Fan base instead, with the advent of the NBC Gold Pass.
Which surely is a result of Thar Not being
enough viewers to warrant it's NOT being bumped Off "Mainstream"
Cable TV Airwaves vs. more lucrative "Stick 'N Ball" Sports. Meaning
Thars' simply Not enough "Eyeballs" Tunin' into Indy Cars regardless
of what that glorious leader Mr. Miles pronounces; Tuh-Duh...
Or those Zany
light up the Night Skies Glow in the Dark $9.95 Helicopter; But Wait! If you
order now TV Commercials Aren't paying enough Dinero', Eh?
Therefore, I Do Not Wish to ever Hear another
word muttered 'bout how GURR-REAT! Your TV Ratings are IndyCar! Nor how many bazillion
"Views" you've gotten off the Internetz', or how Fans are really
Digging the new NBC Gold Pass Streaming service! Because it's A-L-L a load of
manure!
Since as I typed above. If Indy Cars was
really on the Stratospheric Rise we're constantly being Bludgeoned Over thou
Heads, then this wouldn't even be a discussion, and we'd simply be looking
forward to watching EVERY Practice, Qualifying and Race session airing Live on
Television! Like Y'all could do Wayback in the Good 'Ol Salad Days of CART.
Ah Contraire Mr.
Tomaso, who certainly must be a Card Carrying Member of les Miserables,
Wee-Wee? Perhaps Thars a silver lining at the end of the Rainbow, certainly for
those Dreamers, Lovers and Uhm?
(Photo c/o No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer
CARPETS')