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Then Bad Arse Yank' GP2 Pilote' Alexander Rossi
briefly Chatting with Tomaso at Will Buxton's Bigtime Charity Bash in Austin, preceding
the 2014 USGP. (The Tomaso Collection)
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As everyone still remembers this year's Indy 500,
El Correctomundo? Although Alexander Rossi surely was feeling Deja
Voo-Du' as 'Ol Yogi Berra would say Saturday Nite at Texas Motor Speedway...
Once again everyone, ah, Thee life of A Blind Word Butcher...
Having had company visit once again, I've
decided to throttle back a Wee bitamyte' on poondin' out riveting BLOB' Stories
for Y'all. Especially since I feel like I've Bashed my Brains out for several
weeks now trying to provide copious material for thou Month 'O May for your
reading pleasure. Yet my No Fenders blog traffic seemingly Dropped by 50%; WTF?
Thus with the arrival of Tacoma Bureau Chief
Mary Ellen, her trusty Navigator Pixie-the-Wonderdog; WUF-WUF! Plus Harriet
Jean. Along with said Drop in Blog Traffic in what should arguably be thoust No
Fenders busiest month, it seemed like the perfect time to go on Daily
Walkabouts' on thou nearby Beaches, for which Thee Oregon Coast's Ah-Wash in
Mateys!
Whilst thou
remaining vestiges 'O my treasured Diecast collection sits strewn about Thy Bungalow
By-the-Sea in various rooms in Thar moving boxes, which with Mary Ellen's
assistance have finally migrated from the garage indoors...
Yet in true Blue (Oval)- Ford Cosworth XB) Diehard
Racing Aficionado fashion, I made it abundantly clear that I would be busy
listening to the Indy 500 Sunday morning, provided the Doomsday Weather
forecasts Didn't wreak Havoc upon Mother Speedway!
Although Mary
ELLEN kindly said you'll just have to wait 'N see how it plays out!
Yeah, I said listen since that's exactly what
I'd planned upon, since I simply cannot stomach listening to Queen Danica (Patrick)
Pooh-Pooh her Greatness, especially for 4+ FREAKIN' Hours!
As I found it
Freakin' Hilarious that the camera's close-up "tight" shot was zoomed
so close-in that not only could I S-E-E Danica on-screen, but her head filled
Thy entire TV Screen!
Also was able to
see (Townsend) T-Bell's entire Cranium, including his full head 'O Hair filling
thou entire Telie' as Thee Talking Headz' were filling 4.5hrs of Rain Delay!
Having tried listening to her on NBC's
riveting Boomp Day'; Err Elimination day coverage 'N shrieking out loud SHUT UP
DANICA! Almost spewing my morning's Tea when hearing her Boast 'bout when I was
leading the Indianapolis 500!
Henceforth found myself immediately hitting
the Mute button each 'N every time Dan-Dan-Danicker' began speaking! Especially
when being all Chummy with Marty Snidely Whiplash! Snyder. Which made me hope
I'd be able to pull-up the IMS Radio Network Broadcast on Race Day instead!
Thus I was quite Happy when I found that 1070
The Fan's (WFNI ESPN 107.5/1070 The Fan) Webpage was Screen Reader Friendly.
Can You Hear Me Now Indy Cars? Who still REFUSE to make the Play Button
"Tagable" on Thar Rinky-Dink Live Timing & Scoring Webpage; But I
Digress!
Instead being able to have "My Gal"
Lucy', my ARSE-Steamed Screen Reader simply read to the bottom of the 1070 The
Fan's page 'N actually open the "readable" Text Friendly Click to
Listen link, and Viola! Thars' Mark Graveley' James, Thee Viking! (Anders
Krohn) and thou legendous D-Squared', aka Donald Davidson talking to Mwah via
Zed Internetz!
Not to mention enjoyed hearing Jake
"Thee Riddler!" Query and Nicky Salt' Yeoman once again. Whilst
Michael Young for once wasn't Screaming at us ARE YOU READY! While always enjoy
the soothing sounds of Dave First, and think Ryan Marie's becoming my favourite
Pitlane Reporter. With NO Disrespect to Rob "Some Heads Are Gonna
Roll!" Howden and the others...
Although Sadly, most likely won't Hear any of
them again this year, unless 1070 The Fan plays all IndyCar races? Since it's
so much easier for a Blind Word Hack to navigate.
And Thanxs NBC, Really? You needed to Add
another half hour's worth 'O Stinkin' Commercials? Since Purdy G-Damn Sure last
year's race went Green round 12:16PM ET, which is another reason I chose radio
vs. Thee Danica & 'lil E' Show; BARF!
Cannot say the first half's plus of the race
was mesmerizing, since "Symone," nee Pageantry, aka Simon Pagenaud
simply took off like a Scalded Cat! As I must confess I was far more interested
in Alexander Rossi's progress instead, who I wanted to win.
As best Quip of entire race came courtesy 'O
Mark James, when noting how Rossi had reported he was Angry and Hungry after
the Botched Refueling during a Pit stop. To which James Dryly said, that sounds
like Anders Krohn around 5PM each day; Hya!
And is it just Mwah? Or did Team Penske
simply take a page out of Andretti Autosport's Playbook? When Kyle Moyer told
Pagenaud to let Josef Newgarden lead to break wind in order to get better fuel
mileage.
Since Pagenaud was getting the worst mileage
of anybody with his Balls to the Wall lead Dawg' mentality. Typically needing
to pit first amongst the lead pack.
But I was more impressed by Rossi's ability
to run down Pagenaud for the lead and arguably had him covered on fuel mileage
if that other Frenchman Sealmeister B', aka Sebastain Bourdais hadn't wrecked
five cars; YOUCH!
As I didn't have any Problema with throwing a
Red Flag to clean up the Carnage, but I thought the whole point of going red
was to clean All Debris, send the Sweepers out and have a Race ready Track when
resuming action, instead of trundlin' round another six laps under caution, El
Correctomundo?
As I sat Yelling at thou Confuzer's speakers
Get Him Rossi! G-O Rossi for the final 13-14 laps! And semi Shrieked in
excitement when I thought Alexander had pulled off the W' when retaking the
lead, albeit it was too soon to celebrate in my mind, since it seemed like he'd
gone one lap too early.
Hence I was not elated when Pagenaud took the
Chequered Flag first, and was actually fairly disappointed with the outcome,
albeit like Conor Daly said afterwards, where'd Taku-san' come from? As Takuma
Sato finished a very respectable P3 and was my Darkhorse pick to win the race.
Around 2PM Pacific the door opened and Mary
Ellen said Hello, and I enjoyed her take upon the ending of the race, which she
followed via her Smartfone' while waiting for Harriet Jean grocery shopping.
Saying she'd pulled up the CBS Feed which was quite Hilarious when giving a
lap-by-lap account. Rossi leads. Pagenaud leads. Heavy Breathing... Rossi,
Pagenaud?
As she asked was I Happy? And who was I
rooting for? Telling her I was conflicted at the end because Pagenaud once was
one of my favourite drivers but I wanted Rossi to win! Which she said I thought
so.
As Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for Simon's
sake that he gets to keep his Team Penske seat awhile longer. As it's ironic
that my former No's 2-3 Favourite IndyCar Drivers William Power & Pagenaud
have won the last two Indianapolis 500's in that order, but!
Boo Hoo-Hoo El Capitano!
Yo Roger, Cry me a River! Seriously? You need
guaranteed starting spots to insure you win another Stinkin' 500? SPEW! Hence
partially why I was rooting for Rossi to win, along with it would have
certainly silenced the critics who say he lucked into his first Indianapolis
500 victory!
As SHIT! Four races All being Top-10's, with
three of the four being Top-5's; Aye Karumba! Having now finished P1-7-4-2,
which is nothing short of remarkable! Especially for an ex-Formula 1 Pilote',
Righto?
While I didn't listen to the entire Post-race
ceremonies, especially since Mary Ellen said, should we go to the Beach? As it
was a glorious day outside, perfect Beach Walking weather. As Mary Ellen joked
it's the perfect time to go when I informed her that Duh RASSCAR' race in good
'Ol Charlotte was probably just Crankin' Up.
Alas, being in such a Bubbly Mood from such
an enjoyable day, I didn't even consider staying up late to watch the Formula 1
re-run Sunday evening from the Streets of Thee Principality.
And was very satisfied the next morning when
I finally decided to find out who'd won, as YAWN! Ho Hum Golden Child won
again. As sorry Lewis, but you'll never earn the respect that Niki Lauda had!
So Quit Fooling yourself!
And I'm totally content with missing the
Duels in Detroit and snapping my streak of IndyCar races watched, since I was on a Mini Roadtrip; Err weekend getaway
instead, as it seems somewhat wrong to have to go race on Belle Isle
immediately after Indianapolis...
