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Simon Pagenaud autographed "Hero" Card
obtained during 2014 Sonoma IndyCar race weekend. (The Tomaso Collection)
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A triumphant return to Monterey's Laguna Seca
Raceway, with its signature Bits 'O Tarmac, i.e.; Andretti Hairpin, Rainey
Curve and Rahal Straight. But Puh-puh-please, Knock Off this Herta House
Insania!
Otay, I'll admit I'm a Glutton for
Punishment, but; Especially since I only continue paying for monthly Cable TV
Service in order to watch; Err listen to
Motorsports, nee IndyCar and Formula 1...
I eagerly awaited IndyCar's Season Finale
from one of my favourite Racetracks, Monterey's iconic Laguna Seca Raceway,
which Gasp, I first set foot upon a quarter of a century ago; But I Digress,
especially since I've never seen IndyCar's race Thar...
Meanwhile, thou waves 'O Synchronicity come
Ah-crashin' Down once again here upon thou Isle 'O Nofendersville. Since it
weren't planned, but it's somewhat Karmic that I just so happened to begin
listening to John Steinbeck's Cannery Row on CD Audiobook format the very same
weekend of IndyCar's return!
Not to mention that the last time I visited
Monterey, briefly carousin' Cannery Row and going for Walkabout in Carmel was
'04, the very last year Champ Cars visited Laguna Seca Raceway!
Thus I Tuned-in' for the always Agro'
inducing Pre-amble. As know you're just doing your job Leigh Diffey, but
Seriously Dude? The Most Unbelievable Season Ever; BARF!
An Oh Shit!
Marty Snidely Whiplash! Snyder's back; GROAN! But at least my Numero Uno
Pitlane Boy Professor B', thou Original JB', aka Jon Beekhuis is
Onsite too! Along with Oh No, Wuh-Wuh-Wuh-Wipeout "Mr. bill!" (Kevin
Lee) IndyCar's 'Ol Curmudgeon R' *Robin Miller( and The "Thompson
Twins," nee Mr. Chrome Horn', aka PT' (Paul Tracy) and Townsend T-Bell'
topside.
Whilst once again, Townsend had the Quip of
the Day, when noting that the Dust-up On-track between Buddies Marco Andretti
and Conor Daly looked like him and PT' in a pair of Rental Cars; Hya!
And it's S-A-D! How Yuhs can spend the entire
race Yelling profusely to get that 'lil Punk! Although I know one of 'Ol R's,
aka robin Miller's much mentioned Tag-lines is Hate's Good! I flashed upon the
thought following Saturday's Qualie' outcome that I'd just found my new HULIO',
as Helio Castroneves used to be my No. 1 IndyCar Villain.
And He'll probably be wearin' thou moniker
for many years to come, especially since he's just a teenager. As I simply
cannot stand the constant Non-stop Never ending 100% LUV-Fest Crush Colton
Herta gets from the entire NBC Sports Network TV Crew; SPEW!
As BFD! Guess who
also has two IndyCar career wins to his tally? Marco Andretti, who Ain't
exactly lit-up the IndyCar landscape...
As I'm not gonna try recapping the entire
race, which I'm calling gripping, since Tyre Deg' (Degradation) certainly kept
me on the edge of my couch the majority of the race. For which I'd say
Firestone did Thar job!
Wanting to know if one of the title competitors
would go totally Off-strategy to Win? Since the Flinstone' Red Alternate Rubber
seemed to only last a maximum of 21-laps, meaning it'd be at least a
Three-stopper race at 90-laps duration.
Hey NBC! (Nothing But Commercials) Turn U-P the
Bloody Sound! Like I'm so Tired of Hearing nothing but the ROAR of the engines
making it Hard to follow along what the Announcers are saying, Eh? I said Gory
Speak Up eh!
Not to mention I'm 86% certain it was the
Whir/Whine of a Camera On A Wire, since I Didn't Hear Nothin' when I muted thou
TV.
Thus, presumably it was racing Up 'N Down The
Corkscrew that Leigh Diffey sez' is 153-feet elevation change! Along with some
Narly 16% Grade! Although Paul Tracy claimed Yuhs only Dropped Six Stories; Aye
Karumba!
While I've got nothing against Josef
Newgarden, who I once was a Huge Fan of during his formative Sarah Fisher
Racing Days, I found myself Rootin' the entire race instead for another of my
past favourites to pull a Wabbit' from his Firesuit and Steal the Astor Cup
instead!
As I thought it'd be wonderful if Simon
Pagenaud could somehow vault from third Overall to P1? While Y'all might be
saying, what 'bout My Un-Penske' Andretti Autosport Boy Alexander Rossi? Who I
totally want to see win an IndyCar Championship, but he just doesn't seem to be
able to Close the Dealio, and never seemed in true contention Sunday.
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| Simon Pagenaud - McGilvery's Pub & Eatery, 2013 |
Yet Pageantry' ran into a Brick Wall, or
should that be a solid wall of Ice Blocks? Hya! As in a one Cool Kiwi known as
Scotty Thee Iceman' Dixon, ultimately tusslin' over the podium's final step,
which Dixon kept much to Pagenaud's dismay. Since he needed to win, with the
2019 Indianapolis 500 winner ultimately finishing P4 and runner-up for the
Championship.
Yet my Drive of The Day definitely goes to
that other Rookie Bad Arse. A Swede' by the name of Felix Rosenqvist who with a
mighty Chip upon his Shoulder, NO Pun Intended! Drove from 14th to a fine fifth
to claim IndyCar's Rookie Of the Year (ROY) Honours. Not to mention finishing
sixth Overall Points-wise, One position Ahead of, Ahem Colton!
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| Autographed Will Power "Hero" Card from
Sonoma, the year he finally Clinched the IndyCar Championship. (The Tomaso
Collection) |
As I spent the last half of the race, Whale
at least the final two regular Pit stops Yelling at thou Telescreen for Gulp!
Another past favourite and Team Penske Driver named Will Power to get that
little BLEEP to NO Avail!
Yeah, so the Kid had a Breakout rookie
IndyCar campaign; So What! He's still got miles to go, and I think that the Competition's
only gonna get tougher Overall!
As I Don't dispute Colton Herta's Driving
talent, but He's just a 'lil too Smug for Mwah, and I'm tired of the Silver
Platter treatment he seems to be getting...
While somehow I've got a feeling that the
rest of the IndyCar Drivers aren't gonna just lay down for The Kid! Surely not
having seen the last of Dixon, Rossi, Pagenaud, Hunter-Reay, Power's and Oh
Yeah, Newgarden's Rear Wings!
But how long before Roger writes a Cheque too large
to ignore and snaps up Colton to replace one of his elder Drivers?
Although Kudos to his Dad Bryan High speed
Hurdles' Herta, for which I can No longer remember why I came up with that Oh,
So Clever Nickname.
As I totally recall seeing him win at
Monterey in a solid Black Textron backed Team Rahal mount.
For his classy answer to whether he's sick
about The Pass? To which Bryan said he's honoured to be a part of it,
especially after All of the Great things Alex's (Zanardi) Done!
While I'm not trying to take anything away
from Josef Newgarden who won his second Astor Cup, especially since he had the
most wins of the season with four.
But it sure seemed like he Backed into it, uncharacteristically
running outside the Top-5, playing Defense Before settling for eighth, which
was good enough since Pagenaud couldn't Crack the Iceman Blockade.
As we heard Tim Cindric, Newgarden's
Strategist mention Josef was complaining of a lack of rear-end grip, which were
the Tyres Degrading as designed to do. And the more I think of it, his
performance reminds me of 'Ol Dario REO Speedwagon' Franchitti winning one of
his Championships with a similar Defensive Drive at Fontana.
Whilst guessin' it's just Mwah? But I found
Kevin Lee's winner's interview Quips 'bout Colton Herta being too young to
Drink, and being Under-aged to Celebrate
being in really poor taste, especially in lieu of Herta's "Driver
Coach" 'lil Al's (Unser) latest Alcoholism predicament...
Ah, now we'll get
to settle down for a long Winter's Hibernation from thoust Growl of
turbo-charged Indy Cars, as I Dunno? Only 323 Gory Days 'til St Pete's Season's
Kickoff sometime next March; SHEISA!
(Simon Pagenaud McGilvery's Autograph c/o No
Fenders ‘Offical Photographer CARPETS')
